You Might Be a Realtor If…
If you sometimes drink at noon on Tuesday and work at 10PM on Saturday, you might be a Realtor.
If immediately upon opening a front door you can detect the difference between pet urine, sewer trap and cigarette smoke stenches, you might be a Realtor.
If the glove compartment of your car contains bottled water, granola bars, 75 business cards (a mixture of yours and other people’s), a car charger for your iPhone, iPad and eKEY, three flashlights and pepper spray you might be a Realtor.
If at any given time in your house, purse and car there are 5-10 random keys you aren’t sure where they came from or what they go to, you might be a Realtor.
If you didn’t have to pay any taxes for the three previous years, but this year you owe tens of thousands of dollars to the government, you might be a Realtor.
If you’re not offended by work phone calls at 11PM on Friday, but when someone tries to reach you at 8AM on a Monday you think, What the fuck? Do you people have no decency? Can a girl never get 10 seconds to herself???, you might be a Realtor.
If you’ve ever accidentally walked in on a total stranger showering in their own home, you might be a Realtor.
If you consider every Happy Hour you attend a ‘Business Function’ regardless of who you’re with and what you’re discussing, you might be a Realtor.
If you’ve ever driven from Buckeye to Maricopa to San Tan Valley in one day, you might be a Realtor.
If when the words ‘standard’ and ‘commission’ are used together in your presence you wonder for a second if the person who uttered them is a spy from the Anti-trust Commission, and are quick to assure everyone around that commissions are negotiable, you might be a Realtor.
If you have just enough wacky hobbies to keep your mind off the fact that you have no business right up until the moment you’re completely swamped and have to abandon them all, you might be a Realtor.
If you’re so superstitious about your income you won’t even calculate what your paycheck should be (because it’s bad luck) until you’ve heard it’s on its way, you might be a Realtor.
If you’ve ever spotted a client across the grocery store and immediately left and driven to another grocery store so she wouldn’t see you in your jammie pants and glasses, you might be a Realtor.
If you instinctually know whether a situation is most easily resolved with sweet-talking, threats or a combination of the two, you might be a Realtor.
And finally, if your checking account is overdrawn and you’ve eaten ramen for a week straight, but you have the entirety of what you made last year in commissions currently in escrow to close in the next 30 days, well then, you just might be a Realtor.