The highs and lows of parenting and real estate.

Why I Don’t Clean, Reason # 3,492: Legos

This is why I don’t clean…

First it goes like this:

Hey guys, we should organize and sort all of the Legos today. Then it will be so much easier for you to find what you want and build stuff.

I’ll go through and find all the people parts. And then I’ll organize them into different containers for heads, torsos, legs and hair/hats. 

… I should probably line all the heads up so I can see what the different faces look like, you know, as part of the organizational process. 

And then this happens:

Shelley: Hey Danny… I was just finishing up with my gardening and I thought I’d go inside and have a little afternoon cocktail. Want to join me?

Danny: Well sure, neighbor! Don’t mind if I do, thanks for the invite.

Danny: I’ve been seeing you round the ‘hood, looking pretty fine.

Shelley: Oh yeah? I’ve noticed you noticing me… and you’re not so bad yourself. I like a man with straight edges…

Danny: What was that noise?

Shelley: Oh no! My husband’s home!

Danny: Shit. I feel like this means I’m not getting laid today.

Chet: What the fuck is going on in here, Shelley?! Who is this douche-bag?

Shelley: Now, Chet, calm down. This is our neighbor, Danny. You know Danny, right?

Danny: Um… I didn’t know your husband was friends with Mr. T. Also why does he have a gun? Listen, dude, we weren’t doing anything…

Chet: Spare me your story. I can put the pieces together. I will not be made a fool of in my own house! Make your peace with this world, son.

Shelley: Danny, I don’t know how to tell you this, but my husband and his BFF are totally going to kill you. I feel really bad about the situation, but at this point, there’s not much I can do.

Danny: For reals?

Mr. T: Dude, I’m carrying an axe. What do you think?

Shelley: Oh Chet, I wish you were less murdery. It’s just so… uncivilized.

Chet: Well Shelley, honey, if you weren’t so slutty I wouldn’t have to kill all the neighbors.

Shelley: That’s true, dear.


And the next thing I know, Jason’s home, the house is messier than when he left in the morning, I didn’t get any work done and the kids are pissed at me for locking myself in the bathroom with all their favorite Legos for two hours.

It’s just not a practical or productive activity for me.

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