Those Twos, They’re Terrible

Yep, that’s right, we’ve hit a milestone: Gray is officially a terrible two. Want to know how I can tell? He’s spent all day today so far trying to figure out what activities will make me the craziest (I can actually see the little wheels turning in his head). Here are the ones that have been most successful:

1. Pushing his high chair over to the kitchen bulletin board so that he can climb up and pull tacks out and bring them to me.

2. Poking the cat until the cat scratched him.

3. Coloring on the wood floor with a green crayon while I was on the phone with a client.

4. Taking off his diaper and screaming bloody murder when I put him in timeout for coloring on the floor.

5. Biting himself.

6. Biting me.

7. Unlatching his seatbelt while I’m driving.

8. Trying to put a metal screw in a power outlet (I’m pretty sure this one was a bluff, he was waiting for me to walk into the
room to move the screw toward the outlet).

9. Chasing me around the house with his toy lawn mower (which sounds like a real lawn mower) while I was on the phone with my manager.

10. Throwing the grilled cheese sandwich I made him on the ground at lunch.

And oh my lord it’s only noon. Shoot me.