For my 33rd birthday: here are
33 16 things it took me at least 30 years to learn (I tried to think of 33 things, but then I got too busy getting presents and relaxing and doing other birthday things, so I cut it short):
1. Wearing socks really does keep you generally warmer (and not just your feet) when it’s cold out. I wish I could go back to my 15 year old shivering, flip-flopped self and order her to put some socks on for her own good.
2. Putting things away instead of just putting them down is worth the extra time it takes just because then there’s not crap all over the place.
3. How to use my DSLR manually. Even though I’ve owned it since I was 25.
4. That thing people say, “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels,” is utter bullshit. Many, many things taste better than skinny feels. Starting with bacon chocolate chip cookies. (My mother will disagree vehemently with this one, but that’s because she has no sense of smell, so she doesn’t fully appreciate how delicious food is. It’s sad. I’m going to start a charity foundation in her honor.)
5. No one’s ever going to say about me, “Wow, she’s such a neat and organized person,” and I’m over being embarrassed and apologetic about it. It doesn’t detract from my character.
6. Flossing doesn’t suck that bad. And it’s probably a good idea.
7. Some people respond to flattery and friendliness as a motivation to get things done, but some just need to be screamed at. It’s an important skill to be able to tell the difference.
8. Fast food is generally disgusting. I now understand why my dad used to call Taco Bell ‘dog food’.
9. The ‘new car smell’ isn’t actually worth the 25% of value of the car you lose once you drive it off the lot the first time. I’m just buying ‘pre-owned’ from here on out and getting one of those ‘new car smell’ air fresheners.
10. I feel strongly in the opposite direction from #9, regarding carpet. I don’t want to live on other people’s used carpets. It’s not that expensive and I’ve seen what we do to ours. I don’t want to think about what you’ve done to yours.
11. Going gray naturally sounded more authentic and less vain when I was a teenager, but really it just makes me look old. And who are we kidding; I’m too vain for it.
12. Entering the grocery store without a list is like handing my wallet to George Fry (the fictional owner of the Fry’s grocery store chain I just invented. He has a waxed handle bar mustache and wears a leather biker vest) and telling him to take what he likes.
13. Embracing my natural urge to speak my mind is generally the way to go. But not always. This is not a skill I have yet perfected.
14. If my husband were to lose his job and I never closed a deal again and we had to foreclose on our house and move in with my parents, I’d be a lucky, lucky gal. Because I’d still have the perfect husband and amazing kids and parents who would be happy to help. And then we’d rebuild. I’ve seen so much worse in the last few years. What it comes down to is I have the people I love. The cruddy economy can’t take that away.
15. All healthy, normal marriages go through extended periods of time where neither spouse can stand the other. It’s hunkering down and working through these times that ensures the success of the relationship.
16. 33 isn’t nearly as old as it was when I was 18.