Tennis Skirts vs. Running Skirts

Did you know tennis skirts and running skirts are confusingly similar apparel (yes, today’s topic is fairly important on a global scale)? No, it’s true. They’re practically the same garment. Shocking, right? In fact, it’s actually possible to think you’re getting an awesome deal on a super fashion forward running skirt at Marshall’s when in fact you’re only getting a sort of OK deal on two year’s ago’s tennis skirt.

Looks like a running skirt, right? Compare:

OK, don’t compare the central region of the two models. Those are radically different. But otherwise pretty much the same, right? It’s a skirt you can run in.

Want to know the big difference between a running skirt and a tennis skirt?

Apparently a tennis skirt has a big, upside down pocket under the skirt part that I guess you’re supposed to hold a tennis ball in while you’re playing. Which I did not notice while I was trying it on in the store.

It’s OK, though. My tennisy running skirt cost me $12 and I’m keeping it. I actually think that little pocket in the front could also be super useful for running. You can put all kinds of stuff in there you might want to have while taking a run.

For instance, pepper spray:

Look how perfectly that sucker fits! No scary potential murderers out trolling the suburban neighborhoods of Northeast Mesa will mess with me while I’m packing easily accessible heat like that.

Or, how about my eyelash curler:

Because jogging is no excuse to be caught with straight eyelashes.

Or, for those times when a child on a tricycle passes me while I’m ‘running’ along and the kid says, “Hey lady, you OK? You’re moving really slowly and you kinda look like my grandpa did just before he had that heart attack last month…”:

I can reach up into my thigh pocket and whip out my Ragnar medal and say to the kid, “Listen here, sonny, I’m a runner! I ran a Ragnar! It’s a thing! Move along, I’m doing just fine!”

Or what about on long runs when I’m craving a snack?

It’s the perfect place to stash a mostly eaten bag of Honey BBQ Fritos. I mean, right?

And who, doesn’t, from time to time, crave a tiny bottle of peppermint schnapps during a really tough, hot run? I know I do!

And what about, in the evenings when you’re jogging around the neighborhood and your kindly neighbor steps out onto his front porch and says, “Hey, neighbor! You look like you’ve been working really hard! Want to come in an carb-up?” If you have the perfect running skirt with a perfect versatile pocket, you can whip out the pasta spoon you’ve been carrying and offer to help with dinner.

The options are limitless. Athletic apparel designers should probably consider affixing upside down stretchy pockets to all running skirts. Or at the very least a holder for tiny bottles of booze.

Bonus photo of me pretending to run and then pretending to trip over my kid’s toy for no reason but that this stupid, ridiculous, pointless post, I thought of last night after two (who am I kidding, three), glasses of wine took me all goddamn day and I’d like to use as many of the photos as possible:

I know, I’m incredibly theatrically talented. Please send all movie offers to my agent.