Shit Moms Say

This video has been making the viral internet rounds this week:

And I admit, I LOLed. Because yes. At our house “Can you do me a huge favor?” is synonymous with “Go get Mommy a Diet Coke from the garage fridge, please and thank you.” I like to think in a few years when they’re all a little taller it will come to mean, “Please get Mommy a wine glass from the cabinet and fill it to the brim from the box in the garage fridge, please and thank you.” But for now I’ll take what I can get.

I wish I knew that guy so I could write him another one to film. It would be called ‘Shit Moms Say’ and would go like this:

What did you just eat and where did you get it?

Can you just… not?

Seriously?

Why would you do that to your brother?

I’m going to count to three. One… TWO…

If you don’t come home soon I’m going to stick my head in the oven.

Do we have our listening ears on?

What’s in your mouth?

Come here, you have something on your face.

Are you really going to wear that?

Check again.

I’m going to count to five and I’m not even kidding.

Not helping would be helpful right now.

If you don’t get home soon I might sell your children to the gypsies.

I need you to stop talking for at least 3 minutes.

ONE! TTTWWWWOOOOOO!!!!!

I’ll get it for you in just a second.

Don’t talk to me while I’m on the phone.

Maybe after dinner.

We’ll see.

NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO DO ANYMORE YELLING!

I don’t want to hear it.

I think you’re fine.

I’m sure he didn’t mean to.

What is all that noise?

No, you don’t have to eat it, you can go straight to bed if you want.

HOLD MY HAND! That car will squish you flat.

Mommy needs a timeout. With the box of wine.