The highs and lows of parenting and real estate.

Ornaments and Holiday Cheer. Ish.

I go to a yearly ornament/cookie exchange with six girlfriends I’ve known since junior high and before. I know, how festive is that of me? It was clearly not my idea. But even my scroogish heart has grown to love this tradition.

This year:

was our seventh year and I had Danielle (she’s in the middle doing jazz hands) for the second time to gift an ornament to. I’m pretty sure I gave her something sucky the first time because let’s face it, if there’s anything I’m super terrible at, it’s sentimentally meaningful knick-knacks.

So this time I was determined to get her something good. Not just good, in fact, PERFECT.

Sadly, Esty and Pinterest were a time-sucking, soul-killing mess of lace and personalized junk that just made me angry about life. Except the zombie snowman. I liked him. And this one and this one. But I didn’t think she’d like those as well as I would have.

One day I was bitching to my mother about how I was never going to find anything good and I was going to be the loser with the suckiest ornament yet again. She suggested I design my own ornament to be made out of stained glass and a picture or a quote or something and she could make it. SO I DID. AND IT WAS AWESOME.

My mom wanted to change the word ‘old’ in the quote to ‘true’ or ‘good’ or something because she was worried ‘old’ would be offensive. I’m offended she thinks we’re old enough for the word ‘old’ to be offensive.

Additionally, when it got to the morning of the exchange, even though I’d picked out the cookies to make and bought all the ingredients, I totally didn’t have any time to make them, so Jason did it for me. This happens every year, but I always pretend to be shocked that I don’t have the time and surprised by his generosity of offering to make them while I run around all day. It’s how we keep our marriage fresh.

No really, I was totally going to make them…

It’s ok, babe, I’m happy to do it.

So basically, I showed up at a cookie/ornament exchange where I didn’t make either the cookies or the ornament, but I totally got credit for both. I’m more of what you might call ‘the idea man’. Is that a job I could get paid for? Can I just go to work every day and give people ideas for good things and have someone else execute it? Because I would be super rad at that.

I guess the point is probably that I’m lucky to have a mother and a husband willing to do shit for me and let me take the credit.

Dear Mom and Jason,

You’re awesome.



Also awesome?

Debbie, for giving me this ornament which is decoupaged in the foil tops from wine bottles. LOVE it!

Look at that, I can be sort of cheery about the holiays. Ish. Don’t tell anyone, it will ruin my reputation.

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