Nothing But Low-calorie Thoughts

I was going to write about the Lululemon transparent yoga pants scandal today, but then I realized I don’t have that much to say about it beyond:

Aren’t all yoga pants kind of see-thru to some degree or another? I mean, generally speaking, I’m acutely aware of the pattern and style of underwear whoever is downward dogging in front of me is wearing at any given class. I thought that was just sort of how they are. There are entire websites dedicated to enjoying this phenomenon. How is this really a shock?

Although, if you pay $90 for yoga pants I guess you deserve to expect a baseline amount of coverage. So the bottom line is probably that Lululemon should get their shit together and bolster up that fabric, or cut their prices so we all lower our expectations and just know our pants are gonna be see-thru like when we buy them at Target and wash them twice. 

And then I thought about explaining how Jonas informed me yesterday his two favorite girlfriends, Kacie and Riley, invited him over for a playdate, and I’m not sure I trust those two little harlots as far as I could throw them. Kacie’s been announcing for months to anyone who will listen she’s planning to marry Jonas but he confessed to me he’s in love with Riley. I feel like the whole thing just wreaks of a Days of Our Lives plot to corner my son into a commitment he’s just not ready to make.

But then I decided it’s probably improper to make jokes like that about five year olds.

After that I considered writing a diatribe about how it makes me sad for our culture as a whole when I find some completely awesome piece of clothing on the clearance rack. How is it that an adorable shirt like this:

would end up where I found it in the sale room at Old Navy? Shouldn’t only undesirable things end up discounted? How could a solidly constructed chambray denim shirt with super fantastic stars all over it ever be considered undesirable? I mean it seems like the entire capitalist system has broken down. Or everyone else just has completely terrible and boring taste. I don’t know which possibility makes me sadder.

But then I realized you probably don’t give a shit about my cute new $12 shirt.

Finally, I concluded I haven’t eaten enough carbs today and I’m pretty sure my creative writing abilities subsist on white flour, high-fructose corn syrup and salted butter and I’m starving them to death with all the veggies and ‘good fats’ I’ve put into my body in the last two days.

You really can’t have it all, can you? Face or ass. Bikini body or brain. Always gotta make a choice.

I need a nap. I’ll try harder next time.