Have you ever had something show up on your doorstep from Amazon, opened it and thought to yourself:
Huh, I actually ordered that? I thought I’d just considered ordering it. I forgot I actually pulled the trigger…
No? That’s never happened to you? Oh totally, me neither. I’ve definitely never ordered anything online and thought:
Dude! This is hilarious! I should totally buy this as a Christmas present for… someone. I’m sure I’ve got someone to give this to because it’s like really weird and funny. I should definitely buy it. That’s it, I’m buying it.
And then when it showed up at my house I certainly didn’t think:
Ah yes… this is completely hilarious. But… who will I give it to? … Uh, I’m not sure this is actually appropriate for me to give to anyone I currently have a gift-giving relationship with. It would probably be kinda weird for any relatives. I could give it to Jason… but then it’s still in my house… for my children to find. And it’s still not OK to put in his stocking or anything… This may have been a mistake.
Because that would be absolutely inappropriate. And I am nothing if not appropriate. Sometimes people walk by on the street, take one look at me and say, “Wow, you’re a super appropriate gal. I’m just getting a completely appropriate vibe from you.” That happens. Swear.
But, you know, if by chance someone did buy a coloring book that doesn’t really work as a gift for anyone she can think of, and she happened to have a blog, that someone might be willing to give the coloring book away to a random commenter on this post. Because you know you kind of want it. I mean, if I had one to give away. You could bring it to your office white elephant exchange and be that person. You know, that inappropriate person. I have no idea what that feels like, but I bet it’s kind of awesome.*
*Fine print: Comment before Friday, November 30th, 8AM. If you’re shy you can just say ‘Me!’. If you’re less shy you can say ‘I like boobs.’ I will use a random number generator to pick a winner. One entry per person. **
**Finer print: I’m not promising I won’t have colored one or more of the pages before I send it to you. In fact, I’m promising I will color one or more of the pages. What you’re actually getting is art. Fine art. With nudes. That makes it fine art. I’ll try to stay within the lines, though. ***
***This is also definitely not one of those situations I’m going to pretend happened because I was shopping online while drinking, instead of stone-cold sober at 2PM on a weekday. I never pretend some of the inappropriate things I do are because I was drunk instead of admitting I just shouldn’t be allowed to interact with the public without a chaperone.