The highs and lows of parenting and real estate.

Inappropriate Coloring Book Winner!

Drum roll, please… The winner of the coolest coloring book I wasn’t sure who to gift to is:

Jessica Welch!!!

That’s right, Jess, you’re now the proud owner of your very own dirty coloring book. It will arrive in your mailbox next week. I know your husband would like it if you’d share with him but you don’t have to if you don’t want to (it’s an official contest rule).

Jess requested that if she was the winner I add a third nipple to whatever picture I colored for her, but I picked the tamest one I could find because I was too lazy to photoshop censor it today. So just know I added a third nipple in my heart, Jess.

I also bought you a box of crayons and a box of multicultural colored pencils, so you can make sure to get the skin tones culturally accurate.

It’s actually a very racially and socially diverse book. There’s a black chick with an awesome afro and an Asian chick with really huge, clearly fake boobs. There’s also a very pretty girl with armpit hair. I really think this book has a beautiful message. All boobs are good boobs, I’m pretty sure is the point. We don’t judge here in boob coloring book land, is what they’re saying.

I’m no longer sure what I’m talking about or how I got here, but I blame my girl, Tekla, because the multicultural pencils were her idea.

Additionally, coloring is kind of hard and I’m not that good at it. That one I’m going to blame on my left-handedness and being forced, as a child, to work with right-handed crayons. It’s a huge problem.

Congrats, Jess, and thanks to all who weren’t afraid of being thought of as a perv and were willing to participate! Love and happy boobs to you all!

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