Important Election Issues
Last night when I got home from dinner with my dad for his birthday Jason was on the couch watching The Cooking Channel. Jason feels about politics similarly to how I feel about baseball; he’ll pay minimal amounts of attention to it because everyone seems so worked up over the whole thing, but he usually has to ask, “So where do I go and which propositions do I vote yes on?” in the same marginally disinterested tone of voice I use when I ask, “So which team do we want to win if the Yankees are out of it now?” But as when it’s World Series time and I let him control the remote, he let me take over and flip to election coverage last night.
About half an hour into the coverage I noticed he was growing more and more discontent with what he was watching unfold. He sighed heavily several times and even switched positions and threw up his hands and one point in a grumbly sort of frustrated agitation. I had been expecting him to be asleep after approximately 8 minutes of forced news coverage, so I started to get a little excited that he was so engaged. Aw, look, he’s emotionally invested in this election, too! He has an opinion about what’s going on! We’re like actual, responsible adults who vote and care about the future of our nation, I thought to myself with a touch of The Smug. Maybe we should discuss the issues and how they will impact our life in the future or something. Isn’t that what responsible adults do?
Me: So… it’s not good, huh?
Jason: No, it’s terrible. I mean really awful. I just don’t understand how some people can live with themselves.
Me: Yeah, definitely. But I mean, there’s some good points, too, I think, don’t you?
Jason: I don’t think I can see anything. It’s just disturbing. I mean look at the numbers!
Me: Well the numbers aren’t good right now, but it’s early in the night… they could get better. Which numbers are you talking about specifically?
Jason: All of them! They’re just everywhere and moving all of the time! It’s ridiculous and offensive.
Me: …we’re not talking about the election results, are we?
Jason: The results? No! The layout and design of the graphics on the news coverage is AWFUL. How is anyone supposed to get anything from any of it? It’s all just so much red and blue and there’s too much movement and the fonts are atrocious. And the flags waving in the background aren’t helping anything. It’s liable to give someone a seizure! Whoever is in charge of this shit should be fired and then executed. I bet he sends emails using Comic Sans!
Me: Ah, yes. That actually makes more sense.
Jason: And don’t even get me started on Tom Brokaw’s tie. Black and yellow and red? With all the blue and red around it? Is he just trying to be different or does he want to give me a migrane?
Oh, right, we met in the art department at UA and went on dates to art museums and galleries, not political rallies. Discussions about political issues might have been reaching a bit. I don’t know what I was thinking.