The highs and lows of parenting and real estate.

I’m Practically a Hybrid Super-Athlete Anyway, So I’ll Probably Win

Yesterday I signed up to participate in the Hybrid Adventure Games here in Phoenix on October 15. It’s a competition with 5 categories:

An obstacle course

An archery range

A tire flip

A keg toss

A 5 mile run

Seeing as how my standard exercise routine currently consists of ballet class 2 nights a week, I’m not sure what makes me so convinced I can do this and not die, but I am. It might be have to do with the fact I know my sister will chew this up and eat it for dinner*. We have the same genetic origins, so probably somewhere deep down in the ancestral memory of my muscles, nerves and bones, a super athlete exists.

Plus, the website for the event insists I can do as much or as little of it I want and really it’s mostly about the after party and THE COSTUMES. Yes, I feel compelled to all caps that because it is my very favorite part.

I’ve convinced my dad and my sister to do it with me and I’m working on a few others. So now we need to come up with an awesome team name and SUPER RAD COSTUMES. Also I probably need to attempt some form of training. (If I run every day for the next three weeks do you think I will be able to run 5 miles by then?)

But let’s focus on THE COSTUMES. I have a few ideas so far:

1. Pirates – We could wear things like eye patches and puffy shirts and attach birds to our shoulders. And if I pass out halfway through the run I can just tell everyone it’s because I have scurvy.

2. Neon – We could just all make it a point to only wear neon pink, yellow or blue and black. There could also be some crimping of the hair for this one. It could be like we’re the team from a 1985 exercise video.

3. Zombies – We could be the Walking Dead Racers. That could potentially be super awesome. Although if I actually die during the race it could take a long time for them to figure out I wasn’t just really committed to my costume. So that’s a possible safety liability.

4. Carebears – We could each be a different Carebear as depicted by a solid color shirt with a white circle in the center and our individual Carebear power in the center. Then we could do a team photo where we line up together and put our hands on our hips and do the ‘Carebear Stare’. I kind of really want to do this one only for that team photo. And also because it means I could probably get away with wearing rad tights that match my t-shirt color.

5. Emo – We could wear all black and pretend to be really sad and angry the whole race. Then made I could wear my dress I haven’t had a reason to wear yet! And fishnets. I could totally wear fishnets. Although my sister has already told me fishnets are not conducive to running 5 miles. This is why she’s a super athlete and I’m not. She knows stuff like that.

That’s all I’ve come up with. I’m leaning toward the Carebears or the 1985 exercise video. Do you have any suggestions for COSTUMES or a 3 week couch-to-super-athlete training program for me?

*Edited to add -> That’s totally not how that saying goes, is it? I don’t even know how to properly use idioms regarding tough people. I’m so screwed.

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