The highs and lows of parenting and real estate.

Igniting Impending Disaster

I bought this magazine in the grocery store a couple of weeks ago because I’m a sucker for lists of wacky adventures I should probably put on my to-do list:

Coincidentally, this was number 98:

It’s a coincidence because I’d just recently gotten a wild hair to put together a presentation to submit for Ignite Phoenix 14.

If you’ve never heard of Ignite, it’s a show where 18 people get up and present about something he or she is passionate about. Each person gets exactly 5 minutes and 20 slides. The talks are submitted online and chosen by a panel. I’ve been to a few (they have an R rated version called Ignite Phoenix After Hours that’s racy and held in a bar, so of course I’m super into it) and the talks are often hilarious, sometimes socially important, sometimes super ridiculous and always fairly fascinating.

I submitted two presentations: one on boxed wine (because we all know I’m the resident expert and could pontificate for hours on the subject) and one on trapeze (because my friend, Bill Risser, who’s very involved with Ignite suggested it would be a fun topic).

This morning they officially announced the line up and I’m on it for the trapeze presentation. Which triggered my realization that public speaking literally makes blood cease to flow to my extremities, foul-smelling sweat to drip from my armpits and my entire body to twitch like I’m having a seizure. Oh right. That happens. 

So the point is, I’m pretty sure this is going to be a complete disaster. Also a super public one since the show generally sells out they and are expecting 850 people at the Scottsdale Center for the Arts on April 26 (which is in LESS THAN ONE MONTH).

WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING? I had trouble getting through my maid of honor toast at my sister’s wedding.

Luckily, if nothing else I’m pretty used to humiliation at my own hand. I had a dream last night I went to a party and decided I should just take my shirt off and walk around topless because Whatever. People have done it before. They’re just boobs. If more people just put it all out there more often it would be NBD and our society would be better for it. But then people just looked shocked and really uncomfortable and I eventually left and went home and felt really humiliated and disgraced by my actions and how I’d probably offended everyone. And then I woke up and realized the dream was about my behavior on social media. *SIGH*

But the point is, I’ve committed to it, so IT’S ON. And you can definitely expect an outfit. Plus, I’m definitely taking another class really soon here to get some good pictures for my slideshow, so if you’re local and you’ve always wanted to try trapeze and want to go with, I’ll be posting the plan on Facebook when I get it worked out. We should all go together, it will be rad.

Tickets for Ignite Phoenix go on sale April 6. There looks to be a bunch of other really interesting presentations and I can’t wait to meet all the other presenters (although there’s a girl doing a talk about hyperbole and how social media makes us all exaggerate too much and UM THAT’S LIKE THE ONLY THING I DO EVER… so she’s probably going to hate me). Come!

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