The highs and lows of parenting and real estate.

Father’s Day on the Lake

This year for Father’s Day my mother was out of town visiting her father in Florida so my sister and I were in charge of how to celebrate. My original idea was to drop my dad, my husband, her husband and our brother from another mother, Todd, off at the lake with a cooler of beers and food and rent them a boat so they could fish and swim for a few hours. But when I told my sister about this plan she said, “How will they have any fun without you and me and the kids?” and I said, “Good point. We should probably go too.”

That was how we all ended up on a pontoon boat on Saguaro Lake yesterday for five hours celebrating our fathers and husbands. It went something like this:

Before we left (yes I wore my I <3 Boxed Wine shirt. I thought the dress code for the lake was white trash casual? No?).

Colby’s mandatory life vest was more comfortable in a horizontal state.

Of course my sister’s child would be happier in the water than out.

Oh and did I mention he went commando?

All three of my kids with their Uncle John actually looking happy to be in the water. It’s a miracle!

I did an auto-color correct on this picture and it tried to make my husband tan. But then the lake turned purple and his hair turned blue. Some things just aren’t natural.

I tried to talk my sister into wearing a life vest if she was going to be in the lake with Colby but she rolled her eyes so hard they almost got stuck in the back of her head. Flotation devices are apparently for pansies who didn’t get inducted into the University of Arizona Sports Hall of Fame for swimming. Twice.

Well if you leave the wheel unattended, he’s going to take it. Obviously.

Sarah perfecting her model pose.

Colby yet again embarrassing my children with how good and quiet and calm he is in every situation. Any one of my kids would have been like inviting a rabid spider monkey onto the pontoon boat with us at that age. Colby just chilled and napped and swam and ate like a reasonable 25 year old human adult. Their next baby’s totally going to shoot up meth as a toddler to make up for it.

Not pictured:

The lengthy and heated discussion before we left over whether we went to Canyon Lake or Saguaro Lake last time we went to the lake a couple of years ago. I was sure it was Canyon Lake, but then the boat rental lady convinced me it was Saguaro. Jason was sure it was Canyon. My dad thought Saguaro. Is it sad that we’re all so old and feeble we can’t remember the difference between two large bodies of water?

When we boated over a buoy and Jason’s head almost exploded while we tried to figure out how to get it out from under the boat.

The time the wind almost blew the boat over the children at the back of the boat and they only didn’t get run over because Jason hauled them out of water by the backs of their life jackets with the brute strength of a mother who lifts a car off her baby.

The first time Bennett and Gray jumped in the water to swim and were so freaked out they clung to my father instead of relying on their life jackets for buoyancy and almost drowned him. Happy Father’s Day, we killed Grandpa!

The amazing chicken salad sandwiches Jason made with basil from our garden.

When every person on the trip openly mocked me for being afraid to jump into the lake-monster infested water. Even Colby. No, really, he literally giggled from the water while my kid’s yelled, ‘Bok bok bok!! You’re a chicken! Jump in the water already!’ with cajoling from the adults. Buncha meanies. I hope lake monsters eat them.

The insane amount of beer my sister brought for the men. Really, Sarah? Two 30 packs of Tecate? I realize they like their beers, but Father’s Day with alcohol poisoning is probably not anyone’s idea of fun. It’s ok, though, the leftovers can be stored for the San Diego vacation in a month. There’s never a leftover beer on that trip.

I hope your Father’s Day was as fun and harrowing as ours!



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