The highs and lows of parenting and real estate.

Exercise: What Am I Supposed to Like About it Again?

I’m really giving this whole ‘regular exercise’ thing a whole-hearted attempt. No, seriously. I bought new shoes and I’ve been borrowing my oldest son’s athletic-type socks instead of wearing my novelty print hot pink cheetah ones. Yes, it’s too much effort to buy myself my own athletic socks. Plus I only like to spend money on things that are pretty.

The point is, I’ve been doing this for 7+ weeks, so it’s already one of the more successful attempts to ‘be fit’ I’ve made in my life. No, my body is probably not ‘a temple’ yet, but maybe it’s getting close to being one of those non-denominational religious rooms they have in hospitals.

Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

1.       Exercise generates a depressing amount of stinky laundry.

2.       My left foot is an entire half size smaller than my right.

3.       The foot size problem can be alleviated by wearing two socks on my left foot (although that only exacerbates the odorous laundry situation).

4.       People who work in and hang out in athletic shoe stores are intense. They also don’t know what to do when you ask, ‘But which are the cheapest?’ or ‘Those on the wall are prettier; can I try those?’ Apparently I should know before entering a store like this that my goals for footwear can only be which are the awesomest and will make me run the fastest.

5.       Walking on an incline burns just as many calories as running on a flat grade, but feels way more wussy and embarrassing at the gym. I’m going to make a t-shirt that says, It’s just as hard as what you’re doing even though you look more macho.

6.       It’s infinitely easier to make myself get out of bed at 5:15am to go to the gym when I have unwatched Grey’s Anatomy episodes on the iPad to take with (yes, I still watch it. It got good again, I swear!).

7.       Exercise burns brain cells in addition to calories. By the time 9pm rolls around on a day I’ve worked out, I’m so exhausted I can’t even form full sentences. The concept of a ‘dumb jock’ is starting to make more sense.

I have to say, though; I’m not totally sold on this exercise nonsense. What it comes down to is a really lot of effort, time and money (I bought the ‘cheap’ shoes at $60. My favorite jeans didn’t cost $60!) and for what payoff? I’m certainly not skinnier. In fact I think I’m actually fatter from being hungrier after I work out. I know they say you have to exercise and eat healthy, but if it’s really just eating less that’s going to make me skinny then why can’t I sit at home on my couch watching Grey’s Anatomy and starving to death instead of doing it while sweating and wearing expensive, unattractive shoes?

If I’m going to work this hard I should look like all I’ve consumed in the last month is champagne, cigarettes and errant piece of celery, is all I’m saying.

Oh, you say it’s all about the personal satisfaction of the exercise? The endorphins and not feeling like a couch potato? Huh. I have to tell you; we have very different turn-ons, you and I. I get more personal satisfaction and endorphins from writing this blog three times a week than from the trips to the gym. And I, personally, don’t discriminate against couch potatoes. Some of the very loveliest people I know are couch potatoes. Maybe you should be less judgmental and love your inner couch-potato instead of trying to exorcise it with exercise 5 times a week; have you ever thought of that?

Oh wait, it’s about how I’m going to live longer if I do it? Meh. How much longer will I live? And how much do I have to exercise for that to happen? I need hard data to weigh the pros and cons. Really, if I have to exercise 5 hours a week the rest of my life to get these benefits, well that’s 250+ hours a year. Maybe I should just put those hours into enjoying life more instead?

Don’t worry, though; I’m not giving up just yet. I still have a small hope that the skinniness part just hasn’t kicked in yet. Or maybe these ‘endorphins’ you’re talking about are slow to hit in me. Enough people talk about how much they like it that I feel I should give it one more try. But in the end it very well could be like olives for me. Or football. Yes, I realize everyone and his cousin, Rita loves these things, but I’ve tried, and I don’t.

OR, maybe the fact that my resting heart rate falls within the acceptable guidelines it should for my age bracket if I were currently exercising means I should get credit for exercising whenever I’m not asleep. Something to consider.

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