Thanksgiving is the clear winner of all holidays. It’s such an obvious fact, I don’t know why I would even need to present evidence, but just in case you’re not that bright:
FACT: You get a four day weekend.
FACT: You don’t have to buy any presents.
FACT: You’re not required to do any messy art projects (color eggs, carve pumpkins).
FACT: It’s an entire day devoted to cooking delicious, decadent food.
FACT: Day-drinking is practically a requirement.
FACT: The leftovers are almost better than the actual dinner.
FACT: Watching parades or movies in PJs (with cocktails) snuggled with kids while potatoes boil is maybe the most fantastic activity that ever existed.
I could go on, but I think I’ve made my point.
Even though Thanksgiving is practically flawless as far as holidays are concerned, it is possible to mar its beauty. I’m here today, as a public service, to help you keep Thanksgiving pristine and fantastic. I want you to thoroughly enjoy your Thanksgiving as much as I will enjoy mine, so I’ve put together a list of things to avoid doing to keep from ruining Thanksgiving. It’s not long and if you’re conscientious you should have no problem getting the most out of the day.
How to Ruin Thanksgiving:
1. Make the green bean casserole with canned green beans.
2. Eat an entire pan of lemon bars before leaving for Thanksgiving dinner.
3. Make that passive-aggressive joke everyone knows is just a nasty dig.
4. Play Christmas music at any point during Thanksgiving day.
5. Not have enough booze.
See? It’s really not that hard to have a fantastic Thanksgiving. You’re welcome (and Happy Turkey Day!!!).