Me, after working out with Jason at Orange Theory Saturday morning: On the way home we should stop at the grocery store and grab stuff for the kids for lunch, and then hit up Target.
Jason: Why do we need to go to Target?
Me: To get you some cute underwear to wear for the No Pants Light Rail Ride today. Remember? We talked about it the other day.
Jason: Oh… you still wanted to do that?
Me: Yes. We’ve already had this conversation. I said I think about doing it every year, but then I get too busy and don’t buy cute underwear and I don’t end up going, but then I regret it. But this year I went and bought cute underwear! I even texted you a picture.
Jason: I remember that…
Me: And you said if I was doing it you’d do it too. But you don’t have any cute underwear to wear. So I thought we’d stop at Target.
Jason: I just don’t totally understand what the point of this is.
Me: Well, it’s like a national thing. And it has to do with Improv or something. You’re supposed to pretend like you just forgot to put on pants. It’s funny! And you know, all the Ignite people do it. Jeff will be there, and Ruth and Liesl. And there’s beers at Angel’s Trumpet House. You love Angel’s Trumpet House!
Jason: I still don’t get it.
Me: Listen, if you don’t want to do it, then don’t. I’ll go by myself.
Jason: Do you want to go by yourself?
Me: No, I think it would be more fun to go with you. Unless you’re going to be super crabby about it.
Jason: If you’re doing it, I’ll do it.
Me: So you don’t want to go, but you don’t want me to go out in public in my underwear and drink beers without you?
Jason: That’s an accurate representation of the situation.
Me: I feel like you’re going to be really grouchy.
Jason: It’s out of my comfort zone. And you constantly telling me I seem crabby isn’t helping.
Me: OK then. Let’s go to Target.
Me: Look how many options there are! You could wear Superman ones! Or beers-
Jason (looking more and more annoyed): I don’t even like beers. Why would I wear beers?
Me: There’s hotdogs, those are adorbs…
Jason: This is so stupid.
Me: Oh come on, it’s fun! You could get the Minions ones!
Jason: *look of death*
Me: These paisley ones are really cute.
Jason: Those are ok.
Me: Great! Let’s buy them and get going. We need to leave at noon.
Jason: What?! That’s in an hour and a half! I need to make the kids food and shower and-
Me: I know, I know, but it will be fine! We just need to hurry.
Jason (an hour and 3 levels more irritated later): What sort of footwear am I supposed to have on?
Me: Normal footwear.
Jason: *angry eyeroll* Normal footwear like I’d wear with pants, or normal footwear for when I’m wearing my underwear in public?
Me: I think you’re over-thinking it. I’m going to wear tall socks and boots so I stay warm. Wear one of the pairs of socks I bought you for Christmas.
Jason: This is stupid.
Me: Stop saying that. It’s fun!!!
Jason: You keep saying that.
Me: You’re ruining it for me. Do you think my underwear is too busy with this jacket or is it ok?
Jason: It’s fine.
Me: You didn’t even look!
Jason: *disgruntled sigh* I hate this.
Jason (at 11:59AM, to Ben, through clenched teeth): OK, so everyone had pancakes like an hour ago, so they won’t be hungry for awhile, but when you guys are, you can heat up the oven and put in the pizza rolls-
Ben: Wait, so how do I do that, specifically?
Jason: *head explodes from irritation about everything and everyone on the planet*
Me (from my laptop, checking the details about where and when to meet to get on the light rail): So… you’re gonna laugh.
Me: I mean, you’re probably not going to laugh now. In fact you’re probably going to be super mad right now. But eventually, you’re going to think this is funny.
Jason: Just tell me.
Me: It’s not today, it’s tomorrow.
Jason: What is?
Me: The No Pants Light Rail Ride. It’s Sunday. I thought it was Saturday because there’s this Cyr Wheel workshop I wasn’t interested in taking at the aerial gym on Saturday, and Jo has class with Holly on Sunday, and we were going to Orange Theory on Saturday, so I was thinking this was Saturday, too. But I just looked, and it’s not. It’s tomorrow.
Jason: *lays down on the couch, puts his hat over his face and doesn’t speak for 10 minutes to keep himself from murdering everyone*
Me: OK, but let’s just keep in mind that this could have been way worse. What if I hadn’t figured it out until we got to the light rail? That would have been really horrifying. Imagine how mad you’d have been then.
Jason: So are we doing this all again tomorrow?
Me: No. Ben has a sleepover he needs to be picked up from at 2PM. And I have rope class until 1PM. The scheduling totally doesn’t work.
Jason: *sighs the sigh of a man burdened by all of the world’s misery*
Me: But hey, we’re totally ready for next year!