The highs and lows of parenting and real estate.

Threat Level Orange

This blog post is notify you Real Estate Tangent is currently experiencing an Irritation Threat Level of Orange. The following incidents of aggravation and nuisance have occurred to elevate the Threat Level from its normal state of Yellow, or Mildly Cranky, up to the current state of Orange, or Highly Annoyed (Level Green, or Blissfully Content, only occurs when we’re on the beach or after glass of wine number two):

1. The listing agent who gave me the speech about how she really couldn’t split the commission the bank is paying on the short sale my buyer is under contract for evenly with me because it’s really a lot more work to be the listing agent on a short sale is now out of town on vacation and has no one backing her up. Thus, I’m forced to do her job for her if I want the deal to close. It’s the last in a series of incidents of incompetence that will eventually make my head explode if the deal doesn’t close soon. I would probably be happy to check her paperwork for errors, deliver documents to her sellers for their signatures and send her three emails for every task I needed completed if she hadn’t tried to explain to me why her time and energy is worth 1% of the purchase price more than mine. Once this deal closes, she’s officially dead to me.

2. Jonas thought it would fun and exciting to spray two full cans of aerosol sun screen all over the downstairs bathroom. This puts me over the edge for two reasons: A) SUNSCREEN IS EXPENSIVE GODDAMN IT (sorry, at Threat Level Orange I have trouble controlling my use of all-caps) and B) The cleaning people don’t come for another week and this means I’m going to have to clean the bathroom myself to degrease it. I HATE cleaning bathrooms. I. Don’t. Wanna. *grumble, grumble, whine*

3. Something is eating all of my tomatoes. I don’t know if it’s worms or birds but I’m going to go on a Nazi-regime-like rampage to eradicate the world of things that eat my tomatoes if it doesn’t stop soon. And then I’m going to write a book about my struggles and force everyone to read it. (I’m reading The Book Thief right now and it’s starting to permeate my mentality. Can you tell? If you haven’t read it, you should.)

In order to keep the Irritation Threat Level out of the Red Zone (where the volume level is set permanently to Screamy and kids are put in timeout simply for rolling their eyes), you must work together to be hyper-vigilant about keeping your personal annoyingness out of range of the blogger until the Orange Level has been downgraded to Yellow. It’s for the good of us all.

6 Responses to Threat Level Orange

  1. 1. Sunscreen IS freaking expensive! I bought two kinds the other day, one for my face and one for my body, and it was like $25. Thanks SUN!

    2. The Book Thief is really fantastic. I hope you enjoy it. Also, watch out for the crying that might ensue when you finish. Just a warning.

  2. Okay then!!! Glad I decided to stay home for lunch instead of venture out. Would not want to run into you today. Does it help to know that we all have those days? And I no longer have small children.

  3. You’re scaring me.

  4. Have a ( or three) cocktail stat!!!!

  5. ditto to what Debbie said.

  6. If it is bugs that are eating your tomatoes, plant some marigolds in with them. That was something most people with gardens did back home (WV) that seemed to work.

    Disclaimer: WV and AZ are way different in climate and bug variety. This may not work.

    But it’s worth a try.

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