I have a deal that was supposed to close yesterday. Instead of being a good little deal who minds his manners and does what he’s told, he gave me the middle finger and told me I’m not in charge of him and several other extremely rude and petulant things about my ugly face. Then I caught him spray-painting Fannie Mae Rulz, PNC and BofA are Bitchez on the side of a 7-11. I grounded him from his Nintendo DS and sent him to bed without dinner, but the little bastard still isn’t behaving.
So last night instead of doing shots and crying myself to sleep, I turned to the new fall shows to distract and entertain me from my misery. Luckily, it was a good night to do this. I was sufficiently entertained that I didn’t even have nightmares about sword fighting with banks who are holding my clients hostage and threatening to execute them.
Here are my three favorite things from last night:
1. They switched out one of the roommates on New Girl last night. I knew it was happening because I read something about it in Entertainment Weekly. The guy they had in to shoot the pilot is the Wayans son who’s also in that other really funny show, Happy Endings. I guess he wasn’t sure Happy Endings was coming back, but then it got picked up and he had to be replaced, so the second episode has a different black actor as the third roommate. I totally assumed they were just going to pretend it was the same guy and the new actor would play the same character. But they didn’t! He get’s a whole new name and personality! And they didn’t pretend the Wayans son’s character didn’t exist! It made me laugh really hard at myself because how racially insensitive would it have been to just pretend the new black guy WAS the old black guy? I can just picture it in the writer’s room: No, it’s totally fine. No one will notice. They all look the same anyway.
I also am so in love with Zooey D.’s hair I might have to track her down and scalp her so I can wear it as a wig.
2. During Raising Hope, Jason had to pause the show because I was laughing so hard he couldn’t hear the TV when Virginia said their new fancy Japanese toilet wasn’t that great even though it, “can detect when I have a urinary tract infection and email the doctor.”
3. The first scene of Glee, with Brittany’s speech to Kurt about how he’s a unicorn is probably the best thing ever written.
“I think that you are the biggest unicorn. When a pony does a good deed, he gets a horn and he becomes a unicorn and then he poops out cotton candy until he forgets he’s magical and then his horn falls off. And black unicorns, they become zebras.”
Hilarity like that makes me want to be a better writer.