The highs and lows of parenting and real estate.

The War of the Egg

Our Easter egg hunt yesterday revealed a bunch of bossy, whiny, spoiled babies who would do anything to win. And that was the adults.

The egg hunt is the big Easter tradition at my parents’ house. It started when we were kids with actual colored eggs, but several years ago, my mother, the Egg Hunt Grand Master, switched to plastic eggs she could put clues and prizes in. This is a positive for me, because before, when the point was really just to find as many eggs as possible, my amazonian and ridiculously athletic brother and sister would basically just knock me down and steal my eggs. Now there’s an element of puzzle solving to the whole thing that evens it out a little bit.

This year, the people who competed were: my sister, my brother, my husband, my brother’s girlfriend, my sister’s friend, Jen and her other friend, Scotty and a family friend who used to be my sister’s swim coach, Todd (oh, and me, of course). It was a 12 egg hunt and we had to find them in order. Each egg found was worth between 1 and 3 points to whoever found it first, and then the person with the most points at the end won. Unfortunately, I don’t have pictures of the event because it was really too violent to put on the Internet. The carnage would shock and horrify even the most worldly eyes.

You have to realize that I come from a competitive family. My sister was a world ranked swimmer through high school and college, my brother also swam competitively and if my dad isn’t playing ultimate Frisbee he’s training for his next biathlon. They used to have regular contests at the dinner table about who had the biggest bicep or the most defined calf muscle.

During the hunt, two small children were knocked over, one spa cover strap was broken, a vase of potpourri was decimated and one contestant had his head dunked in the spa while fully clothed. The balcony from my parent’s bedroom survived, but just barely. I think they’re going to have a structural engineer out today to certify it is still sound.

The final result was a tie between Scotty and Todd. That’s right, my highly competitive family didn’t even place. You can imagine the sour grapes. To break the tie, we divided up into support teams based on the college we attended (there’s a strong UA vs. ASU rivalry in the family) to answer trivia questions about, of course, the only state school none of us had attended: NAU. It was an honestly pathetic showing. There were three questions that each team had to answer on paper. The team who answered the most was the winner. The winning number was ONE.

So tell me, do you know the answer to these?

1. What is the school mascot for NAU?
2. What are the school colors for NAU?
3. What is the female to male ratio at NAU?

Anyway, it was a typically raucous and rowdy holiday at my parent’s house. I hope your Easter was just as fun! Oh, and here’s a little fodder for the Grandparents. This was the much less violent, much more tame children’s egg hunt:




If only we could all be so mature.

11 Responses to The War of the Egg

  1. Some commentary on the last two pictures:

    the penultimate picture: in this picture, Todd is actually talking smack to Gray about how Catalina beat him to the egg she’s holding. real mature Todd, real mature.

    the final picture: the strained expression on my face is due to me trying to get the egg out of Gray’s hand before he throws it against the house (again). that’s right, my house was egged on Easter by my grandson. Probably his Mom told him to do it because she wasn’t happy about how the adult hunt ended up.

    But, we had fun. 🙂

  2. Omg! That picture of your dad trying to stop Gray from killing that egg is HILARIOUS. I’m comin’ to your house for Easter next year! Too fun!

  3. that was a beautiful recap, thank you mini. You did fail to mention that you provided the brains to win the tie breaker for team U oF A (bear down!) which in turn gave me the W over Todd and makes me 1-0 in Tolar Easter Egg Hunts.

    Also note: In the last picture that while saving the house from being egged was important (arguable if that’s even possible with hard boiled eggs) It was not important enough to put down the coozied Coors Original.

  4. I am crying, I am laughing so hard. JT, if you are reading this, Scotty’s got you nailed with the coozied Coors Original comment. Oh, good Lord.
    And here’s my take on the answers:
    1. Louie the Lumberjack!! (Come on, tell me they got this one.)
    2. Yellow and blue.
    3. Um, 65/35?

    Go Jacks!! (And girls are called Jills. Lame, but true.)

  5. I hardly see how it improves the situation (my house being egged) by spilling perfectly good beer. Come on people, FOCUS!

    The school colors for NAU are Navy Blue and Sage Green.

    The only correct answer was F/M ratio: 3/2

  6. You are all crazy! Blue and GOLD are NAU’s colors, they use the sage green for marketing purposes only, but the sports teams wear blue and gold… I don’t know what kind of jeopardy game this family is trying to run!!

  7. Oh God. Leave it to our school to have plural errors on the website.
    And seriously, when was the last time you are at NAU? This sage thing has to be a marketing ploy. Whadyabet it has something to do with the one school that gets any recognition? The school of forestry folks.
    Okay, this is becoming a rant about my university. Sorry Min.

  8. I just want to know how many bruises were given by Todd pile-driving anyone in his way.

  9. Here’s the link I found that says blue and gold, the true colors of the mighty Lumberjacks. Verifiedonly eight short months ago. How you like that?

  10. If those are NAU’s colors, then team Merrill won! Hollow victory Scotty. Hollow victory.

    The kind of comitment Bobby and I showed by diving for the balcony egg can’t be found on any stat sheet. We went hard and have the bruises to prove it. I’d also like to compliment Bobby for crushing my sternum while I was pinned under the hot tub cover. My screams of pain and terror fell on deaf ears and I was unable to reach the egg. Well done. Overall, the Tolar clan brought a level of competition to the table that scares me even now.

    I will forever think of The 2006 Tolar Family Easter Egg Hunt as the one that got away.

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