…and you’re all, Dude, I just come here to read stories that make me feel better about my own life choices. Why you gotta be all needy and high maintenance?
And I’m like, Uh, I’m not being high maintenance; you’re being a whiney bitch. Shut it.
And then you’re all, OK, ok, simmer down. I was just kidding. What do you need?
So! Getting down to it. A few things:
1. Did I tell you I joined the steering committee for Ignite Phoenix #15? Because I don’t really have enough hobbies or commitments.
The point is, I’m their new blogger (my dad read that post and immediately emailed me all, “SOMEONE STOLE YOUR VOICE AND IS BLOGGING FOR IGNITE!!!” and then like two minutes later, “Oh wait, it’s you blogging for Ignite. Nevermind.”).
The more important point is we’re currently looking for submissions for the next show AND YOU SHOULD TOTALLY SUBMIT. Or tell your sister who does that really cool thing with her toes, feathers and chocolate sauce, to submit.
Or you should at least plan on attending and come hang out with me after. I’m pretty sure being on the committee means I’m not allowed to get hammered during the show, but after should be cool, right? I’m thinking about wearing my rainbow tutu again. Because I really like wearing it and there are surprisingly few occasions in which it is appropriate. *sad face*
And if you’re sitting there at your computer thinking it would be fun to speak at Ignite, but you’re kind of a scaredy cat or you aren’t sure what you should submit to speak about, you should totally call me and we’ll discuss*.
2. I updated the About Me for this site so it has all the new important info you really need to be aware of if you’re going to read this site. I just felt like you needed to know that.
3. I’ve been implementing this new marketing technique I devised for my latest few listings. It’s an Instagram video 15 second teaser in which I highlight a few special parts of the listing by describing what I would drink if I lived in that house. It’s possible I made it up so I would have another excuse to combine drinking with work, but if it goes viral and becomes like a whole marketing craze I invented then I will stand by that it’s because I’m a marketing genius, not a drunk.
This is the one I did today. I know, I’m a nerd. Cute house, though, right?
So in order for it to be successful, I’m gonna need you guys to all follow me on Instagram. And also ‘like’ my selfies (that’s not for my marketing success, it’s because it makes me feel happy). But hey, if you follow me and you’ve got a private account, you have to accept my request to follow you back, because otherwise it sends me into a confused shame spiral where I just keep wondering why, why you’d want to follow me but not give me the opportunity to ‘like’ your outfits and your kid pics and your dinners back. Don’t you want me see your sunsets and the creatures you find around your house?
That’s mostly it. I just need you to submit to speak at Ignite and encourage everyone you know to as well, attend Ignite in October and come hang out with me after, and follow me on Instagram so I can be a marketing genius. Is that like really asking a lot? Have I mentioned you’re pretty?
*Dear People, stop being like, I don’t have your phone number… Um, it’s on the top right of this page. Duh.