There are things I’ve accomplished or created in my life that I’m so proud of, I almost feel like I can’t take credit for them. It’s more like they were a lucky accident or a muse working through me. For instance, I choreographed two dance pieces in high school (one to Alanis Morrisette’s All I Really Want and the other to Bridge Over Troubled Waters by Simon and Garfunkel) that I still think back on and feel a swelling of pride in my stomach. I know, it’s kind of a silly thing to be so proud of, but I am. I feel similarly about my National Merit Scholar status from high school. It was just one test I did really well on (and I can’t help but wonder if gum actually got stuck to my test and screwed up the grading machine like on that one Simpson’s episode where they think Bart is a genius), but it’s one of those things I save to think about when I need a little ego boost.
I feel so similarly, on a much greater scale, about Ben. Every night right before he goes to bed, we have this conversation:
Me: I love you.
Ben: I love you a zillion.
Me: I love you a zillion plus one.
Ben: I love you a zillion plus a zillion.
Me: I love you a zillion times a zillion.
It’s a silly little bedtime ritual and it always proceeds a bit longer with a few ‘infinity’s thrown in until it’s just really time to go to bed.
Two nights ago he ended it like so:
Ben: I love you… (pausing, with a thoughtful look on his face, and then with a sly smile) beyond.
Sometimes I wonder just how it’s possible that so much sweet brilliance is packed inside that five year old; and then I wonder how it’s possible that he’s mine. Such amazing luck, I have.
And then, of course, there’s Gray. I mean seriously, when you ask him where his nose is, he makes this face:
How much more perfection can you expect?
Beyond, indeed, I love you both beyond.