Jason (picking up a box on the counter of our bathroom as I sit in the bath): ‘Facial wax strips’? What the hell do you need these for?
Me: First of all, we’ve already had this conversation. You’re getting senile. Secondly, you do not even want to know how much maintenance it takes to be a woman in her mid-30s. It’s tedious and exhausting.
Jason: All that work to keep this fabulousness? (He gestures to himself in a long, sweeping head-to-toe motion.)
Me: Oh I’m fully aware if I went au natural, stopped working out and embraced carbs you’d be out the door in a second.
Jason: Me? No… you’re ridiculous.
Me: You’ve already told me like 5 times you’d leave me if I got fat.
Jason: Stop it, that’s not true. I love you for you. You’re being silly. (From around the corner as he’s leaving the room.) Just don’t do it.