The highs and lows of parenting and real estate.

That Time We Went Camping

It’s not that I hate nature. I feel like nature actually has a lot of really great things to offer. It’s just that all of those beautiful and wondrous things are covered in dirt and bugs. Also I super love my bed. And showering. If sleeping in my own bed and taking extended scalding showers was an Olympic sport, I would win so hard they’d give me the bronze, silver, and gold. I would be the Michael Phelps of domestic comfort (but with fewer bongs and pictures of my junk).

Other things I care deeply about that tend not to exist in nature:

  • Wine glasses
  • Couches
  • TVs with DVRs full of a healthy mix of MTV reality and scripted shows*
  • Wifi
  • Outlets
  • Instagram

Plus, the last time I went camping I was 21 years old, 7 months pregnant, and still still in deep denial being knocked up was really going to have much of an effect on my life. Squatting in the woods with a giant belly to pee 47 times in 24 hours was what really started to hammer home that I was no longer the normal co-ed. I still sometimes have nightmares of that camping trip.

That said, we all have our burdens in this life, and one of mine is that Jonas was born a year and one week after the tragic and untimely death of Steve Irwin, and I feel confident his spirit was reincarnated into my kid’s skinny, asthmatic body. It’s not easy being the mother of a crocodile hunter.

So far, we’ve gotten away with letting Jonas roam the desert just outside our property line and regularly sleep in the backyard. Now that he’s eight and a half it seems almost inhumane to keep him constantly caged inside of the walls of civilization when really all he wants to do in life is raise birds so he can watch them construct a nest, use dirt for clothing, and learn to communicate with insects so he can persuade them to be his army and he their overlord.

Additionally, my brother-in-law, John, has been trying to convince us that no really, we’d totally like camping because it’s really fun and not at all terrible for pretty much the entirety of his marriage to my sister. A couple of weeks ago he gave me this spiel again when I was two and a half mimosas in to a beautiful Saturday and would have probably said, That sounds like a great idea! if he’d proposed hitchhiking to Cleveland to see a Metallica cover band. Day-drinking causes me to be very agreeable.

This is how, last Thursday, I ended up driving the Subaru up the side of a mountain on a single lane dirt road, half blind with dust and the sun, toward two nights of the first camping I’d done in 16 years.

I don’t want to paint this experience as a totally negative one. I know John really wanted it to be the trip that caused the epiphany The Newlins are camping folk, and it wasn’t entirely regrettable and unpleasant. So, I’m just gonna identify the parts of the camping trip as:

  • Stuff that didn’t suck
  • Camping lessons learned

Stuff That Didn’t Suck:

1. Even though the drive up was possibly more terrifying than one of those panic dreams where you are falling off  the cliff and never land, but you know you’re going to land and it’s going to be terrible, so you just continue in a state of unending horror for all eternity (or until you wake up, soaked in sweat), the actual campsite was lovely. We had views of Lake Roosevelt on one side, and some pretty down below place on the other. There were no other campers we saw during the 40 or so hours we were up there.

camping 2

camping 1

2. Camping food is delicious, especially if it’s a little burnt. I made breakfast burritos the night before we left and wrapped them in tinfoil. Even though the outer layer was almost charcoal when they came off the fire, they were possibly my favorite thing I’ve ever eaten. Also, the brats I preboiled and we roasted on skewers were amazing. The bacon John set on fire and almost burned down the forest with, was equally delicious.

camping 3

 

3. I really love dead trees, and there were several nearby that had been struck by lightning and were gorgeous.

IMG_5364

4. Day-drinking is encouraged at camping. So are afternoon naps.

5. There weren’t any horrible flying bugs like mosquitos or gnats or anything.

Camping Lessons Learned:

1. Two non-superhuman adults is not sufficient for both setting up camp and properly supervising a 3 year old, a 5 year old, an 11 year old, and an 8 year old body that houses the spirit of Steve Irwin. While John and I were setting up the million tents required to house all of us, the boys discovered a nearby, recently used, campsite. In under 10 minutes they had collected enough small flammable material to stoke the improperly extinguished embers at the neighboring fire ring and built a full fire, which Gray used a shovel to scoop up and run over to our fire ring while the littler boys ran behind him and yelled, Look!! We built a fire!! 

Just to reinforce what occurred: As John and I looked up from the tent poles we were frustratedly trying to shove through fabric, my eleven year old son came running, full-bore, through the trees, carrying a shovel full of flames, with his long, golden hair trailing behind him, and his brother and cousins following with utter glee. It… was not a safe situation.

2. When left alone to “explore”, even in the middle of the wilderness with no sign of civilization, Jonas will somehow manage to discover and retrieve:

  • A shotgun shell
  • An intact bullet
  • Five metal canisters for a BB gun
  • A throwing knife stuck in a tree
  • An enormous bowie knife

camping 4 camping 5

 

So when the zombie apocalypse happens, make sure to align yourself with Jonas.

3. Peeing in the woods is legitimately terrible. Peeing in the woods in the middle of the night when it’s 35 degrees out and you’ve forgotten your glasses, and are too afraid to go out in the dark alone and blind, so you put your almost frozen contacts against your eyeballs before trudging out in the cold, to squat in the woods while trying simultaneously not to pee on your own feet and not to sit in a pile of ants is torture it should be illegal to subject prisoners of war to. Like I almost decided I should drink less wine the next night so I didn’t have to pee in the middle of the night; it was that bad.

4. When I was a teenager I read a book about a guy stuck in an avalanche. I think it was called Avalanche!, but I’m too lazy to try and find it. It was about how this guy was skiing and an avalanche buried him below like 5 feet of snow, but there was a hole at the top of where he got buried, so he didn’t die and he spent literal days trapped there under the snow like peeing on himself for warmth and eating the snow around him, etc. I don’t remember how he got out, but the point is, the dude had an insane will to live. He was like James Franco’s character in the movie where he cuts his own arm off (that was a real guy, right? Gross.)

At camping, I learned I do not have quite that voracious of a will to live in the face of cold. If my options are: A) Be super cold and miserable for days with little to no hope in sight, eating snow and telling myself to stay strong because there’s a chance someone will find me, and eventually getting rescued OR B) Chewing a hole in my own wrist to bleed out after 37 minutes of being kind of chilly just to end the misery, I gotta tell you, I’m probably going with B.

The first night at camping I spent the entire night (when I wasn’t stumbling around in the dark trying not to pee on myself) shivering in my stupid 35 degree rated sleeping bag. The next night, the wind picked up even harder than the night before, and I have to admit, knowing that eventually getting into my tent was not going to be warmer than sitting by the fire, where I was already a popsicle, may have worn down my will to live a little bit. It’s possible I threw a small tantrum, marched into my tent at 7:15PM with all of the extra blankets I could find, layered all of the jackets and socks I brought on my body and refused to come out until morning. It wasn’t my proudest moment. I really hate being cold.

Overall, the kids loved every minute. I loved some of the minutes. But more, I loved the minutes in the hot shower when I got home. I might go again, if it’s not so cold. Although, if it’s less cold, there will probably be bugs. So maybe I’ll let Jason take the boys and I’ll stay home with my couch and wine glasses, and MTV shows.

 

*Did anyone see the latest episode of Faking It? “I’m Switzerland. Cool, neutral, very expensive.” #Shaneismyfavoriteever #apropsofnothing

48 Responses to That Time We Went Camping

  1. A tent heater can make a world of difference.

  2. Mini, I love your dissertation on camping. I totally agree with all of it. My idea for camping is, hiking during the day or fishing or whatever and retiring to the nice motel for a hot shower and delicious , not made by me, dinner with wine, and after dinner watching something on TV and to bed in the lovely bed at the motel to arise in the morning to a good breakfast at the motel. from Grandma Jean.

  3. Mini, that was a hilarious summation of your camping trip. Jonas is definitely a handful, and I think I’ve tried to kill him on a couple occasions, but the kid would be a perfect Marine. They love kids who go into the woods and come back with multiple knives & a shovel full of fire. Of course, he’d also do well in San Quentin, so that’s an option too.

  4. Liz, if you ever go again, I suggest these tips:

    1. drink more, not less – keeps you too dumb to notice you’re cold
    2. when peeing, find two rocks that are spaced far enough apart so you have a “toilet sized hole” between them. make sure it is 6″ or so down between the rocks to the ground at a minimum. Use these rocks to stand on and then squat to pee between them. Then you’re peeing into a hole and you have no chance of pee running onto your feet.
    3. blankets both under and over your sleeping bag. If you just put them over, the cold seeps up from below. I put down two super thick blankets, then the sleeping bag, then two more blankets over.
    4. Andrea once slept in oven mitts while camping with us. So that’s the tip she would give.

    or, you know, just stay home. also an option. But camp food is the best food ever. so it calls to me from the forest. Plus dirty filthy kids always seem to be the happiest kids.

    • "So what that they are White? Latino is a CULTURAL and not racial ca;.Gorye&quottgood to know. I'm going to take salsa lessons and then check the Hispanic box on my upcoming grad school applications.

  5. Gnats. Remember the gnats on the Green River? And how you ate your last dinner on the river zipped up in your tent by yourself? Remember the ceremony where we got inducted into the Green River Navy under the stars? You *are* camping people, just uncomfortable camping people.

  6. I simply wanted to write down a simple word to be able to thank you for those magnificent advice you are writing at this site.

    My extended internet lookup has at the end been compensated with brilliant concept to
    talk about with my friends. I would believe that we site visitors actually are truly fortunate to live in a
    magnificent website with very many outstanding professionals with very helpful techniques.

    I feel somewhat lucky to have come across your website and look forward to tons of more excellent times reading
    here. Thanks once again for everything.

  7. Thanks for some other fantastic article. Where else could anyone get that type of information in such an ideal manner of writing?

    I have a presentation next week, and I am at the look for such information.

  8. This tutorial is sequential, basic and limited than makes ideal feeling
    to begin Mastering SAPUI5. I believe this video tutorial is an extensive.

    The training curve for SAPUI5 is usually steep if you are coming from an ABAP track record.Before
    you can master UI5 you must have a great grasp on JavaScript.

  9. Wonderful goods from you, man. I have have in mind your stuff previous to and you’re simply extremely
    magnificent. I actually like what you’ve received here, certainly like what you’re saying and the way
    by which you assert it. You’re making it enjoyable and you continue to take care of to keep it wise.
    I can’t wait to learn far more from you. That is actually a terrific site.

  10. I see something really special in this website.

  11. Hello, i feel that i saw you visited my blog so i got here to return the
    want?.I’m attempting to find issues to improve my site!I assume its adequate to use some of your ideas!!

  12. I want to convey my gratitude for your kindness for people who require
    help with in this issue. Your special commitment to
    getting the solution around became remarkably valuable and has constantly
    enabled professionals just like me to reach their aims. Your entire helpful tips
    and hints can mean a whole lot a person like
    me and especially to my fellow workers. With thanks; from all of us.

  13. This design is incredible! You certainly know how to keep a reader entertained.
    Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Wonderful job.
    I really loved what you had to say, and more than that,
    how you presented it. Too cool!

  14. Hmm is anyone else experiencing problems with the images on this blog loading?
    I’m trying to determine if its a problem on my end or if it’s
    the blog. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

  15. You completed several fine points there. I did a
    search on the issue and found mainly folks will consent with your blog.

  16. I just like the helpful info you supply on your articles.
    I will bookmark your blog and test once more right here regularly.
    I’m reasonably sure I will learn many new stuff proper here!
    Best of luck for the following!

  17. This website certainly has all the information I needed about this subject and didn’t
    know who to ask.

  18. thank you for this post, I am a big big fan of this web site would like to go
    on updated.

  19. thank you for this post, I am a big fan of this site
    would like to go along updated.

  20. Loving the info on this site, you have done great job on the articles.

  21. Bingo is fun time game and at once you can have
    greater chances of winning real money. You perform many things to provide thrill to watching your favorite sporting activity.
    The main principle behind this can be that every coin contributes a smaller fraction to the jackpot.

  22. naturally like your web site however you have to check the spelling on quite a few of your posts.

    Several of them are rife with spelling problems and I in finding it very troublesome to tell the reality however I’ll surely come back again.

  23. Great write-up, I’m normal visitor of one’s website, maintain up the
    excellent operate, and It’s going to be a regular visitor for a long time.

  24. There’s definately a lot to learn about ths subject.
    I like all of the points you’ve made.

  25. My family always say that I am wasting my time here at web, but I know I am getting
    familiarity every day by reading such good articles or reviews.

  26. Excellent blog һere! Also youг site loads up very fast!
    What web host aгe you using? Can Ι ցet yоur affiliate link
    to your host? I wіsh my website loaded up as fast аs youгs
    lol

  27. You could certainly see your skills within the work youu write.
    The world hopes for even more passionate writers like
    you who aren’t afraid to say how they believe.

    All the timje follow your heart.

  28. I drop a leave a respponse each time I especially enjoy a post on a site or
    I have something to add to thee conversation. Usually it’s caused by the passion displayed in the article I looked at.
    And after this post Thhat Time We Went Camping
    – Real Estate Tangent. I was actually excited enough to drop a leave a responsea resxponse
    😉 I do have a few questions for you if you don’t mind. Is it jusst me or do a few of
    these responses come across like written by brain dead visitors?
    😛 And, if you are posting at additional sites, I would like to kwep up witrh everything fresh you have
    to post. Could you list every onne of your public sites
    like your Facebook page, twitter feed, or linkedin profile?

  29. Hello, all the time i used to check blog posts here in the early hours in the dawn,
    as i enjoy to find out more and more.

  30. animal dildo
    Sometimes people interpret intersectionality as a box ticking exercise.
    This could mean applauding statements simply because certain groups
    were name dropped. Somebody might say: “My speech references people of color, disabled people, the LGBT community, and women, therefore it’s the best.” But
    that isn’t what we are talking about when we say ‘intersectionality’.
    I told him he should be coming to me and trying to have sex with
    me instead. I don have anything against masturbation but he should not be doing it if he can have sex with me.
    I should be his outlet until whatever is wrong is fixed..

    gay sex toys The first size is the smaller size I started out with, and the other is a larger size with larger beads
    and a huge head ending in a great sized o ring for grip.
    I love pushing the large head inside of me and feeling that
    solid penetration and then after a few insertions I like to pull on it from
    the outside. Then work each bead progressively in and out.
    We are firm believers that no matter your body shape, there a wedding dress out there for you.
    And this might surprise you, but you don have to stick to the uber flattering
    fit and flare silhouette to find a dress that does your curves justice.
    In fact, some of the trendiest styles out there dramatic ball gowns to sexy mermaids amazing on a lot of different body types.
    gay sex toys

    penis pump TPR is only compatible with water
    based lubes, so choose your favorite and expect to use a moderate amount to
    get your slide on. The material is semi pourous and can not be
    sterilized by boiling or other means. If you boil the sleeve, you will
    destroy it. I like my skin to be smooth. I don’t do toners or weird skin care
    products the way my sister does. But I was thinking about it
    this morning. Ms. Ross’s first husband was a wealthy Wall Street executive who died
    in 1995. They had two sons. The in laws are out! Jessica Wright and mum Carol miss Michelle Keegan’s Our Girl debut as they attend bash
    insteadNews Group Newspapers Limited in England No.
    679215 Registered office: 1 London Bridge Street, London, SE1 9GF.
    “The Sun”, “Sun”, “Sun Online” are registered trademarks or trade names of News
    Group Newspapers Limited. penis pump

    horse dildo Twitter is having a field day with Hankerson or the of Sixth Street, as one Twitter critic calls him as
    he also ran a fashion blog and was known to wear
    expensive clothes, Yahoo Lifestyle reports.Though he since
    deleted all of his social media accounts, stylish photos
    of Hankerson are quickly circulating. Some were quick
    to mock Hankerson, but others were sickened by the injustice of the situation.poor
    mother, breaking her back to pay all my balances
    every semester fighting to register me into classes.
    Whole time y stealing money. horse dildo

    penis pump But you can have as much of it as you want” He unzips His trousers and pulls out His rock hard member. In one quick motion, He pushes my face down into His groin and i open wide. “in your mouth,
    you greedy slut.”. We don’t all like every single sexual activity out there, and there are some people who just don’t want to do or like oral sex. And if we’re someone who likes HAVING that, with a partner who doesn’t, and there’s no middle ground, sometimes we simply have to look at the whole picture and decide if that’s going to work for us or not. Every now and then, if this is something you really dig, you may find you run into a partner who doesn’t and might choose to just not have that person as a sexual partner: it’s okay to make that choice, just like it’s also okay to decide that a partner has lots of other things to offer that make it worth it for you to just accept that there’s one thing you like you can’t have with them.I also think that you might talk with him about how oral sex isn’t a quid pro quo: that you don’t give him oral to try and earn oral for yourself. penis pump

    penis pump For other inquiries, Contact Us. To see all content on The Sun, please use the Site Map. The Sun website is regulated by the Independent Press Standards Organisation (IPSO). This service is provided on News Group Newspapers’ Limited’s Standard Terms and Conditions in accordance with our Privacy Cookie Policy. To inquire about a licence to reproduce material, visit our Syndication site. View our online Press Pack. This glass is a food grade material and is considered a superior material for toys as it is non porous, phthalates free, hypo allergenic and body safe. There is no smell or taste, nor does this toy retain odors. The glass is shiny black and completely smooth, with not so much as a seam to mar its luxurious appearance. penis pump

    vibrators I have some concerns that I just need to throw out there because deep down I know I’m not crazyI have a loving, supportive boyfriend who I’ve been with for almost two years. He’s been helping me get through my abusive past and has supported of me exploring my newly realized bisexuality before we get engaged. HOWEVER, we did NOT start our sexual life off well.We plunged into our new sex life WITHOUT STI screenings, birth control, or protection, and it makes my head spin to know that I was that stupid. vibrators

    strap on Another option might be to discuss specific jobs, for example, “I know you don’t like
    vacuuming the floor, and I don’t mind doing it if you’ll take care of the dusting.” Or, “I’ll cook dinner for both of us if you’ll
    wash the dishes.” Of course, if your roommate is opposed to all forms of housework, this won’t do you much good. But it lets her know she needs to do her share. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in person medical professional. “I know
    these lines are perceived as pretty fuzzy when we’re dealing with constitutional First Amendment rights,” Hastings told The Washington Post. “Butthere’s no
    long fuse anymore. Everybody’s fuse seems to be quite short.”In April, Portland’s typically family friendlyrose parade was canceledafter antifa activists threatenedto shut down roads if a Republican group wasn’t barred from the event. strap on

    penis pump I think I managed to acknowledge that things were not healthy before it got drastically worse, but I am now concerned about hormonal birth control options due to the effects EC had on me.I have also suffered from vaginal infections when I was younger, and although my physical health is generally okay, when I’ve had infections elsewhere they have been quite difficult to get rid of, sometimes needing many courses of antibiotics, which has made me a little concerned about things such as the coil.After a long time not in a relationship, and not even looking for a partner, I’ve met someone who I decided I do want to spend time with in a relationship. I feel he’s someone I see myself learning to love, and that I trust him. We have very different relationship dynamics to my other relationship, in a positive way. penis pump

    Adult Toys Take the time to conduct a little self assessment. Which mental illness do you have? How does it affect the way you interact with people and the world now, and what are some warning signs that things are getting a little overwhelming for you? If you have depression, maybe you tend to retreat, withdraw, and get disinterested when you’re not feeling good. If you have anxiety, maybe you’re second guessing everything. I find it easiest to describe Probe Silky Light by comparing it to Davryan’s other lube, Probe Thick and Rich. As you can see, the Thick and Rich is so thick that it doesn’t want to go anywhere, even when tilted, while the Silky Light is “making a
    run for it.” It’s way thinner, and this is noticeable in use; it tends to drip off of everything. The Davryan website says that it’s supposed to mimic the consistency of saliva, and that’s about right, except that it has a kind of stringy gooiness to it, like its sibling Thick and Rich Adult Toys.

  31. Please let me know if you’re looking for a author for your blog.
    You have some really great posts and I believe I would be a good asset.
    If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d love to write some articles for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine.
    Please shoot me an e-mail if interested. Cheers!

  32. Thanks for any other great article. The place else may just anyone get that kind of info in such an ideal approach of writing?
    I’ve a presentation subsequent week, and I’m
    at the search for such info.

  33. I am in fact happy to glance at this web site posts whbich consists of plentyy of usefcul information, thanks for
    providing these statistics.

  34. thank you for sharing this article and this is so good.

    I really like the content and how you tell about the story inside.
    Keep it up man. Also if you don’t mind, please visit my site markaslink

  35. It’s awesome to pay ɑ quick visit tһіs site and reading tһe views of all colleagues regarding tһis piece
    of writing, ԝhile Ι ɑm aⅼѕo eager of getting experience.

  36. whoah this weblog is excellent i love reading your articles.
    Keep up the great work! You understand, many individuals are looking round for this
    info, you could aid them greatly.

  37. Hello to every one, it’s in fact a nice for me to pay a visit this web site, it
    contains valuable Information.

  38. Question… have you tried any other blog platform before…?

    What is your opinion?

  39. It’s cool to see the same people join the room every week and engage
    in conversation with you. Stop by Booth 1446 at NAMA One Show at the Las
    Vegas Convention Center on April 24-26 and see why
    the SmartPan Pro Beverage Dispenser beer vending machine could be a great addition to your route or business
    plan. I thought to myself… I could actually put on a fun show with better lighting, props, and actually make conversation with the viewers.

    1,000. If you put the time into looking like a million dollars, and feel like
    a million dollars; that’s what people pay attention to.
    Before telling me why he thinks some people seek out “authentic,” unpolished content from porn performers today, Ford, the JustForFans founder, made sure to qualify his response:
    It’s his experience, and he can’t speak universally.
    While the vast majority of its sexual content is good old-fashioned intercourse,
    there are a few moments of sexualized violence that may be disturbing for some viewers.

  40. What’s up to every body, it’s my first pay a quick visit of this website; this website includes awesome and actually excellent data in support
    of visitors.

  41. Hi, i think that i noticed you visited my website
    so i got here to ?go back the prefer?.I’m trying to in finding issues to improve my website!I assume its good enough to make use of some
    of your ideas!!

  42. This website certainly has all of the information and facts I needed about this subject and didn’t
    know who to ask.

  43. I just like the helpful info you supply for your
    articles. I will bookmark your blog and test again right here frequently.

    I am reasonably sure I will be told many new stuff proper here!
    Best of luck for the next!

  44. This post is invaluable. Where cann I find out more?

  45. Hi there, I want to subscribe for this blog to get most recent updates, so where can i do it please assist.

Leave a Reply to Proxy site Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Facebook comments: