The highs and lows of parenting and real estate.

Shit Moms Say

This video has been making the viral internet rounds this week:

And I admit, I LOLed. Because yes. At our house “Can you do me a huge favor?” is synonymous with “Go get Mommy a Diet Coke from the garage fridge, please and thank you.” I like to think in a few years when they’re all a little taller it will come to mean, “Please get Mommy a wine glass from the cabinet and fill it to the brim from the box in the garage fridge, please and thank you.” But for now I’ll take what I can get.

I wish I knew that guy so I could write him another one to film. It would be called ‘Shit Moms Say’ and would go like this:

What did you just eat and where did you get it?

Can you just… not?


Why would you do that to your brother?

I’m going to count to three. One… TWO…

If you don’t come home soon I’m going to stick my head in the oven.

Do we have our listening ears on?

What’s in your mouth?

Come here, you have something on your face.

Are you really going to wear that?

Check again.

I’m going to count to five and I’m not even kidding.

Not helping would be helpful right now.

If you don’t get home soon I might sell your children to the gypsies.

I need you to stop talking for at least 3 minutes.


I’ll get it for you in just a second.

Don’t talk to me while I’m on the phone.

Maybe after dinner.

We’ll see.


I don’t want to hear it.

I think you’re fine.

I’m sure he didn’t mean to.

What is all that noise?

No, you don’t have to eat it, you can go straight to bed if you want.

HOLD MY HAND! That car will squish you flat.

Mommy needs a timeout. With the box of wine.



4 Responses to Shit Moms Say

  1. When I was just off maternity leave, home alone because my husband was in school and trying feverishly to get my eldest son to stop wetting himself because he would wait until the last second to say he had to “potty” I said
    something I feel so bad about.

    My things mom’s say: I looked my son straight
    in the eyes as I put yet another pair of clean undies on him (maybe the 4th pair that night) and in a sleep deprived voice said “Santa doesn’t bring
    presents to boys who pee pee in their pants.” The second it came out I knew I had done wrong and felt like a total ass.

    Even now when he goes to the bathroom he reminds me every time, “Mom, no pee pee da pants. Santa bring me presents.” Doh! At least he is potty trained now but I don’t even want to think about the therapy bills.

  2. You pretty well covered them all. I thought of one other, Please use your inside voice. And Super Mom, we all say things that we wish we hadn’t and I bet our moms did too and on and on. I just get tired of my 31 and 33 year old STILL reminding me of when I ran over the 31 year olds foot with the car. I still have the guilt, don’t need the reminder.

  3. Oh my gosh, yes! “Seriously?!” is the one that gets said around my house a lot. I think my son thinks it means, “go to your room”. Another one around our house is, “close the door if you’re crying”. This usually is said after he’s stomped off to his room in tears. He closes the door, gets his crying over with, and everything’s okay. Unless he says to me, “Mommy, you hurt my feelings!” Then I have to explain to him that yes, I hurt his feelings, but that might happen when he’s in trouble.

    Sigh, kids are great aren’t they! 😉

  4. I was just going to ask if your comment about putting your head in the oven if they didn’t come home soon would work for adult children when I realized, oh she doesn’t mean the children.

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