Home Inspector: The seller didn’t repair the water heater. It’s still leaking.
Me: The seller says the dripping from the pipey thing is the water softener auto-clean feature flushing out. There’s no repair needed on the water heater.
Home Inspector: There’s no water softener at this house.
Me to Seller: Home inspector says there’s no water softener.
Seller: Of course there’s a water softener. It’s right next to the water heater.
Me to Home Inspector: There is most definitely a water softener.
Home Inspector: Oh right, there is totally a water softener. It’s right next to the water heater. But that’s definitely not why the pipe is leaking. Also the band gasket at the pool pump that the seller agreed to fix is still leaking.
Me to Pool Repairman: The home inspector says the band gasket you were supposed to fix is still leaking. Can you go out and look at it again?
Pool Repairman: OK, I went out and looked and it is most definitely not leaking.
Me to Home Inspector: The pool guy says it’s not leaking.
Home Inspector: It’s definitely leaking. I saw it leaking today. I was there and I saw the water dripping down. It’s not an expensive or difficult fix, but it’s leaking and it needs to be done.
Pool Repairman: If there was a leak, it would absolutely be easy and cheap to fix, but there’s nothing leaking about it. Everything is bone dry. It’s in perfect working order.
Home Inspector: The buyers and the buyer’s agent were all with me and we witnessed it leaking. We touched the side of the band gasket and could each swear in court that we saw leaking.
Pool Repairman: I took a 5 minute video that I can email you of the band gasket not leaking.
Seller: I am also willing and able to take a video of the water heater not leaking.
Me: … OK, so I’m going to need you just to be straight with me. What sort of sexual favors and/or bribes is it going to take for you people to just come to an consensus one way or the other?