The highs and lows of parenting and real estate.

Perspective on the Humiliation of a Bikini Wax

I walk in to the wax place and take a seat in the waiting area. There are two ladies who don’t seem to know each other checking out at the counter.

Receptionist to Lady 1: Would you like to make an appointment for next time?

Lady 1: No! That hurt like hell, why would I want to make another appointment?

Lady 2: You need to get a drink before you come, that helps.

Me (from the waiting chairs next to the checkout desk): I just had a margarita at the Mexican place down the street for that very reason.

Lady 2 (sitting down next to me): Did you really? That’s the way to do it.

Me: I did. It’s not really the pain that’s the problem so much that my normal girl quit and today I have to introduce a new human to my bikini area. It’s not that fun.

Lady 2: You’re right. That part is the worst. It’s the humiliation.

Me: Right?

Lady 2: Totally. You know, I had a humiliating incident recently. I mean, it was kind of a worst case scenario as far as embarrassment goes. It was… well it was actually mortifying.

Me: Please tell me the story! I need this right now. It would really help. I should have had two margaritas.

Lady 2: So I have a daughter who’s 20, and she’s pregnant. Her boyfriend is a doctor in the Marines, and it’s a good thing, it’s all fine. It’s actually good timing for them, but anyway, I haven’t met his family yet. They’re going to get married, but he just got back from being overseas. ANYWAY.

Me: Sure, got it.

Lady 2: So about three weeks ago I got sick. I thought it was that flu that was going around. I couldn’t keep anything down. I felt horrible. And I had this heat rash, up my thigh on the right side. It was awful.

Me: Yuck, that’s terrible.

Lady 2: Yeah, so it wouldn’t go away and I finally decided to go to the urgent care by my house.

Me: Ok…

Lady 2: So I go in and I’m describing all of my symptoms to this doctor and I tell him about the rash, and it turns out it’s shingles.

Me: Oh that’s awful! I’ve heard shingles can be really bad. And you can get that rash anywhere.

Lady 2: Yes! It’s so terrible. But like I said, I had the rash all up my thigh and over my hip. So the doctor needed to examine my whole business area to take a look at it.

Me: Horrifying.

Lady 2: I know, and as he’s down there, looking at my area, I glance at his name tag, and recognize the last name.

Me: Oh shit…

Lady 2: Yeah, my daughter’s boyfriend has a distinctive, uncommon last name. And his father is a doctor, too. So at that moment, I realized that my daughter’s boyfriend’s father, my soon to be co-grandparent of my first grandchild, was peering thoughtfully at my disgustingly rashy vagina.

Me (laughing so hard and loud the receptionists look up to see what we’re talking about): Wait, so he hadn’t recognized your last name?

Lady 2: No, my daughter and I have different last names.

Me (snort laughing so hard I’m tearing up): What did you do??

Lady 2: Well, I mean I felt like I had to tell him.

Me: RIGHT THEN?? While he was looking at your rashy business???

Lady 2: I was feverish. It seemed like the right time to introduce myself.

Me: Oh my god, that’s the best story I’ve ever heard in my life.

Waxer: Elizabeth? I’m ready for you.

Me: I think I can get through this now. I will be forever in your debt.

Lady 2: You’re welcome. If it helps someone, the experience wasn’t a total disaster, right?

Me: *laughing too hard to answer*

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