I’m writing this from a plane, because I’m all sophisticated and jet-settery like that. Today my day will consist of 4 plane flights and 9.5 hours of travel, only to end up exactly where I started. I’m delivering my older two sons to Dallas to visit their grandma and coming right home. Stop being so jealous of me, I know I have an awesome life.
The worst part about today isn’t the getting up at 4am or the waste of a work day. I actually have plenty to keep me occupied. I’ve already sent off an offer to a listing agent using the docusign app on the iPad, I have two seasons of Dexter to watch and the last third of The Book Thief to read. It’s kind of nice to have a day where I can do nothing but that.
No, the worst part of today is that I’m a nervous flyer so I will spend 90% of the day having this conversation with myself:
Nervous Me: Why does it feel like we’re going down? Is that normal, when the plane is all jiggly like that? That doesn’t seem normal. Does that guy across the aisle look nervous too? If he’s nervous, too, it probably means we’re crashing. Will they come on the intercom and tell us if we’re crashing or will I just be able to tell?
Logical Me: Stop freaking out; you’re being ridiculous. The plane isn’t just going to fall out of the sky. They build the wings so the air flowing over the top of the wings moves more quickly than the air under the wings, so the air underneath actually pushes up in an attempt to equalize the pressure and helps to hold the plane in the air. Remember? We learned about it at that aircraft field trip we chaperoned a few months ago. It’s called the Bertolli Principle.
Nervous Me: Bernoulli. Bertolli is the pasta. That’s right. So really take off and landing is the most dangerous part because that’s when you can stall and not have enough time to correct or pitch too far down, right? And then there would be the crashing and the dying.
Logical Me: Right… But that probably won’t happen. I think. Although it happened a lot on that flight simulator we did. Maybe we should ask the flight attendant if we can go talk to the pilot and find out how long he’s been doing this. Just to be on the safe side.
Nervous Me: That’s a good idea. Let’s do that.
I do have a new cool iPad accessory with me today to keep me cheerful, though.
It’s a protective sleeve I made yesterday. Because I had 4,375 other, more productive activities to complete. So instead of doing those I went to the fabric store, dug my sewing machine out from under the pile of crap that has collected on top of it in the last year and went all crafty on your ass.
I’m actually pretty pleased with how it turned out. When Jason got home last night he was all, “Where did you buy that; I love it!” and I’m only 60% sure he was saying that to kiss my ass because I was grouchy with him.
I would write out a tutorial for you on how you can make one yourself, but it would go like this:
Step 1 – Drive to the fabric store and pick out red and orange thread because you love red and orange. Get home and discover you already own every possible shade of red and orange thread because you love red and orange and that was a waste of $5.
Step 2 – Carefully measure iPad and calculate correct amount of fabric needed to make sleeve. Cut fabric. Hold fabric up to iPad and realize it’s totally the wrong size and not nearly big enough. Start over, this time without measuring and pretty much just guess on the size.
And that’s not a particularly helpful tutorial. So instead, if there’s anyone reading this who’s interested in having a poppy decorated iPad sleeve made out of heavy duty Eco-friendly felt, leave a comment expressing said interest and I will pick a random winner to send one to (you know, if there’s more than one person interested). You can even pick between red and orange poppies and yellow and green poppies.