The highs and lows of parenting and real estate.

Mic Check

*Testing 1, 2, 3, testing*

Sorry, I wasn’t sure this thing still worked. It was just kind of sitting in the corner getting dusty. Every time I walked past it I felt a little guilty because it seemed kind of lonely. And eventually, abandoned blogs get that creepy, sort of stale and haunted vibe. Eventually they start to smell.

But don’t worry. This is no abandoned blog. It’s just a slightly neglected, malnourished one. It needs a hug and a good meal. It needs a shower and a shave and then it will be all fixed up. We’re working on it. We’re sending it to rehab, but that’s a process, you know. Sometimes it doesn’t take the first time.

Anyway, content has been sparse (sorry, non-existent) because I’ve been super busy dying for like a really long time. Dying sucks all my will to do anything but watch Bravo, sleep and weigh myself (Look, I lost another pound! I wonder if I’ll ever like food again?). I don’t think it was Ebola, because my eyes weren’t bleeding, but I guess it’s possible, because I have been to Texas, and I hear that’s how you get it.

After almost two weeks of misery and a cough that was making me mentally ill, I went to the doctor. She said she thought it was bronchitis or maybe pneumonia. I like to tell people it’s pneumonia because they make that face like they’re horrified to be standing near me and then immediately try to contort it into sympathy for my condition and hope I don’t notice. But the truth is, the doctor did a chest xray for pneumonia and treated me with the antibiotics and inhaler for pneumonia, but never actually called back with the results, and it seems like if it actually was pneumonia she would have told me.*

The point is, I’m feeling better now. I’ve even been eating the last few days. I told myself I’m using this as a spring board to a healthy diet and I’m totally going to maintain my new svelte figure. I even bought new jeans (which is the logical thing to do right after you’ve been sick). But then I ate waffle fries dipped in Nutella for lunch, so I guess we’ll see.

I’m heading to circus class tonight for the first time in a long time and I’m afraid it’s going to be a painful and pathetic showing. Everything from my appetite, to my ability to stay away during daylight hours, to my alcohol tolerance seems to have atrophied, so I can only imagine my circus muscles have as well. My goal is not to puke.

I am, however, determined to get all of my necessary functions back up to speed. I just need to take a deep breath and jump back in to climbing, inverting, running, drinking wine and writing until I’m back to normal. Please forgive my pathetic lack of direction and competence in all areas until then.

While you wait patiently for me to regain my composure, can we please contemplate, together, the skill with which my son’s school photographer captured his hair?

Ben freshman pic

 

I mean… it’s almost sculptural. It’s like she caught him precisely mid-flip. The entire left side of his face is gently caressed by a rolling wave of hair. I’m surprised there isn’t a tiny surfer riding the curl down to his nose. Bravo, Photographer. This gem will inspire family fun for decades, I can already tell.

 

*The doctor’s office called A WEEK AFTER the chest xray to tell me it was positive for pneumonia and ask me if I’m feeling better. I told them if this was 1843 I’d be dead.

One Response to Mic Check

  1. You should have told the doctors that you died last week but your heirs intend to sue them for their incompetence. Idiots.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

Facebook comments: