Tyler, my favorite internet friend who’s made it his hobby to see how far he can push my buttons before I cry (pretty far) suggested I write a post about Things That Are OK To Do Because You’re Drinking Wine. And since I don’t have anything else to get off my chest today, here goes:
1. It’s OK to not capitalize the letter ‘i’ (or anything else) when you’re drinking wine. It takes a certain amount of coordination to press the shift key and another letter at the same time while also holding a wine glass and some of us just aren’t that dextrous.
2. It’s OK to hollow out a marshmallow, stuff four dark chocolate chips in the center, microwave it for 17 seconds and eat it with a spoon, when you’re drinking wine. In fact, it’s advised.
3. It’s OK to tell your son to have his father sign his band instrument practice record because it’s too hard to hold a glass of wine and sign a paper with a pencil on your lap. It’s not even considered lazy, just practical.
4. It’s OK to watch Teen Mom, have The Real Housewives on picture-in-picture at the same time and occasionally yell at the TV, No. She. Didn’t!, when you’re drinking wine. And only when you’re drinking wine.
5. It’s OK to confess things you might normally find embarrassing to the Internet, when you’re drinking wine. It’s actually quite liberating, in fact.
6. It’s OK to get teary about a Kay commercial, until you realize it’s a Kay commercial, when you’re drinking wine. But you’ve got to suck it up once you realize you’re sniffling over a Kay commercial.
7. It’s OK to do sock-footed pirouettes on the kitchen tile floor and tell yourself you’re a fantastic ballerina when you’re drinking wine. Except you should set the wine down during turns and stick to singles and doubles.
8. It’s OK to stalk old friends you haven’t had any contact with in years and send them sappy, borderline creepy messages about how much you miss them and how you should totally get together the next time they’re in town, when you’re drinking wine. But you should probably only do that once per friend. After that it just gets weird, even if you’re drinking wine.
9. It’s OK to put on your cutest PJs and come downstairs and pretend you don’t know you look hot until your husband notices, when you’re drinking wine. But don’t say, This ole thing? because that’s tired and obvious. Instead go with the more believable, I haven’t done any laundry in weeks and this was the only thing that was clean. It’s NOT OK for you husband not to notice, however.
10. It’s also OK to wear pink and chartreuse striped socks, sweat pants, a dance sweatshirt from 11th grade and your glasses and still expect your husband to cuddle you and tell you you’re cute, when you’re drinking wine. And if you’ve had enough wine, it’s OK to explain this duty to your husband, just so he’s clear.
Feel free to leave any other things you’ve found are OK to do when you’ve been drinking wine in the comments. I’m always looking wine-friendly activities.