The highs and lows of parenting and real estate.

I’m Practically a Hybrid Super-Athlete Anyway, So I’ll Probably Win

Yesterday I signed up to participate in the Hybrid Adventure Games here in Phoenix on October 15. It’s a competition with 5 categories:

An obstacle course

An archery range

A tire flip

A keg toss

A 5 mile run

Seeing as how my standard exercise routine currently consists of ballet class 2 nights a week, I’m not sure what makes me so convinced I can do this and not die, but I am. It might be have to do with the fact I know my sister will chew this up and eat it for dinner*. We have the same genetic origins, so probably somewhere deep down in the ancestral memory of my muscles, nerves and bones, a super athlete exists.

Plus, the website for the event insists I can do as much or as little of it I want and really it’s mostly about the after party and THE COSTUMES. Yes, I feel compelled to all caps that because it is my very favorite part.

I’ve convinced my dad and my sister to do it with me and I’m working on a few others. So now we need to come up with an awesome team name and SUPER RAD COSTUMES. Also I probably need to attempt some form of training. (If I run every day for the next three weeks do you think I will be able to run 5 miles by then?)

But let’s focus on THE COSTUMES. I have a few ideas so far:

1. Pirates – We could wear things like eye patches and puffy shirts and attach birds to our shoulders. And if I pass out halfway through the run I can just tell everyone it’s because I have scurvy.

2. Neon – We could just all make it a point to only wear neon pink, yellow or blue and black. There could also be some crimping of the hair for this one. It could be like we’re the team from a 1985 exercise video.

3. Zombies – We could be the Walking Dead Racers. That could potentially be super awesome. Although if I actually die during the race it could take a long time for them to figure out I wasn’t just really committed to my costume. So that’s a possible safety liability.

4. Carebears – We could each be a different Carebear as depicted by a solid color shirt with a white circle in the center and our individual Carebear power in the center. Then we could do a team photo where we line up together and put our hands on our hips and do the ‘Carebear Stare’. I kind of really want to do this one only for that team photo. And also because it means I could probably get away with wearing rad tights that match my t-shirt color.

5. Emo – We could wear all black and pretend to be really sad and angry the whole race. Then made I could wear my dress I haven’t had a reason to wear yet! And fishnets. I could totally wear fishnets. Although my sister has already told me fishnets are not conducive to running 5 miles. This is why she’s a super athlete and I’m not. She knows stuff like that.

That’s all I’ve come up with. I’m leaning toward the Carebears or the 1985 exercise video. Do you have any suggestions for COSTUMES or a 3 week couch-to-super-athlete training program for me?

*Edited to add -> That’s totally not how that saying goes, is it? I don’t even know how to properly use idioms regarding tough people. I’m so screwed.

9 Responses to I’m Practically a Hybrid Super-Athlete Anyway, So I’ll Probably Win

  1. I think you go with the Cleopatra theme where dad and sister CARRY you above their shoulders on a really cool platform thingy. That way you can actually finish!

  2. I want to go along just to film you.

  3. You’re going to compete in a Tire Flip??? This I have to come see. LOL Have you considered a yoga competition, where you see who can lie on a mat the longest? OMG – I hurt just thinking about it. AND, I’m wondering what psychological factor is behind your attempting to kill yourself with all this physical stress…. 😉

  4. Have you looked into what other people do during a mid-life crisis? Because I think most people do really fun things like buy a super sporty red car or go on a European vacation. Maybe you should consider something like that in the future, however, for this particular event, perhaps you could talk the judges into just letting your father and your sister throw you instead of the keg?

  5. I vote Carebears and Tyler going along to film you. Love that you guys are doing this!

  6. You could dress up like Angry Birds. Ok.. so this looks awesome.. and if I hadn’t just dislocated my knee about a week ago I’d so be doing this. I’m all about it next year though. I think regular marathon/running/triathlon type stuff seems so boring.. this just rocks!

    Where does it take place? I’d love to watch this!

  7. By the way.. for the “angry birds” I think you should consider wearing the type of costume that Screech wore for that ballet in Saved By The Bell.. tights/leggings, short shorts.. then you could get some tshirts in angry birds colors (one yellow, white, red, black?) and glue feathers? Headbands? And then some “angry paint” on your face.. eh.. just a thought.

  8. Pingback: Stuff You Should Probably Know About Running – Real Estate Tangent

  9. Pingback: I’m a HAG (Hybrid Adventure Gamer) – Real Estate Tangent

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