The highs and lows of parenting and real estate.

If Life Was Fair More People Would Get Pinkeye

Remember that family I got all weepy over a few weeks back after I went on that bender- I mean, was feeling super sentimental and appreciative of my own family? Well all the good vibes my readers were putting out to the universe worked; we are under contract for a lovely single level in Chandler in their own daughter’s neighborhood that really is just the closest thing to perfect we looked at the entire time we were out perusing the housing market.

However, now that I know you all have the ability to control destiny with your minds, I would like to request that you use your powers for evil instead of good.

Check it out: The house we are under contract for had an appraisal done, as all houses being purchased with mortgages require. This appraisal came back at almost $19,000 under the agreed upon purchase price. So that was pretty sucktastic. I spent 45 minutes on the phone with the indignant seller explaining to me why the house IS worth the agreed upon purchase price until I could literally take it no more and interrupted the poor guy to point out that of all of the people involved in this transaction, I was the one who needed to be convinced of this fact the very least. The buyer absolutely needed convincing, the appraiser who made the low call to begin with could use a giant dose of convincing, but I actually didn’t have any emotional ties to this issue except in that it needed to be dealt with one way or another to move forward in the transaction. Buddy, I KNOW it has granite counters, an undermount sink, bamboo floors and a putting green in the back. The confusion you’re having right now stems from the fact that you don’t realize I don’t actually care.

When a house doesn’t appraise for the agreed upon purchase price the contract allows for the buyer to cancel the contract within five days and retain their earnest money. Depending on the market and how it relates to the sanity of the people involved (IE: In 2005 everyone was totally insane and would regularly waive appraisals because none of them came in at anywhere close to purchase price. Which should probably have been our first clue that all of this was headed nowhere good) sellers will sometimes drop the purchase price to what the house has appraised at and the deal will move forward. So initially when I heard this house didn’t appraise, I had high hopes that this would actually be a positive for my clients and they would be able to purchase the house for almost $20k less than they had agreed to. Unfortunately, the seller was adamant the house was worth the original purchase price and was willing to put it back up on the market and risk another low appraisal if we didn’t agree to waive it.

This led us to door number two: which was to dispute the appraisal with the lender. I’d actually never done this before and had heard horror stories about it taking weeks and a first born child to push through the system. The lender assured us it was a 72 hour process and we could keep all of our offspring, though, so we submitted new comps that supported the original price.

Lo and behold, 71.5 hours later the appraisal comes back adjusted up $15K. This is where your mental super-powers/vibes come into play. The deal is looking good. Turns out my buyers were totally in agreement with the seller that the house was worth what they had agreed to originally pay. My clients are happy to move forward with the adjusted appraisal and have been thrilled with the care they have been so far receiving at the Mayo Clinic. They are ready to move in to this new house and get settled so as to begin the healing portion of this whole journey so far. That much is all lovely and happiness-inducing. Yet, I still have a ginormous bone to pick with the appraiser.

Mr. Appraiser, Sir, can I just ask who on earth you felt like it would benefit to lowball this appraisal in the first place?

The seller? Nope, it makes him want to poke his own eyes out.

The buyer? Not even a little bit. He found a house he was willing to buy and was happy with the price and now you’ve blocked his ability to get a mortgage.

The lender? You almost cost him the revenues from a new loan.

The housing market? If this sale fell out of escrow it would just be another house on the market, adding to the glut of inventory.

The economy? Yeah, right. Because another house NOT selling creates jobs and revenue for the people. Oh wait, the other way around: it doesn’t.

Me? Not at all. I’m a touch cranky because of the extra hours of work you created for me that involved disputing the appraisal and listening to sellers on fire about the value of their property. I also could have done without the heart palpitations over potentially losing this house for my clients who really a lot super wanted and needed it.

So basically, you said “Nah, it’s not worth that much.” And we said, “Really? Cause we kind of think it is…” and you said, “Oh, well, OK, I guess you’re right.” This INCENSES me because I can only imagine how it could have all gone differently with different clients.

Appraiser: Nah, it’s not worth that much.

Clients with a little less market-savvy and a little more crazy-pants-ocity: OH MY GOD THEY WERE TRYING TO CHEAT US! Cancel the deal! Run away! I don’t care if they’re willing to drop the price I do not want that house!!

Thus, my Super-Powerful Readers, I would like you to turn your vibes over to that appraiser. I don’t want him to drop dead or get hit by a bus or anything, but I think this drama merits some kind of itchy horrible (curable) infection. Like pink-eye. Can we all just send our collective vibes over to the pink-eye fairy so that she makes a visit to Mr. Lowball Appraiser guy? Thanks. Love you always!

4 Responses to If Life Was Fair More People Would Get Pinkeye

  1. I think pink eye is sort of tame, a few drops and you’re good for a while…. maybe Mr. Lowball could get some sort of poison ivy? Desert poison ivy? is there such a thing? something that at least requires the wearing of duct-taped-on oven mitts for a few hours….

  2. You are so right, Wendy. Poison ivy it is! (and not in any sort of alyssa milano way.)

  3. poison ivy but in the worst possible place on his body-maybe the groin area???

  4. was his name Eric? Cause that was the name of the appraiser that made my transaction fall out of escrow in May. oh, and i’d love to thank whosever (not a word apparently, pardon me) idea it was to implement this new crappy appraisal system. way to add accountability people.

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