The highs and lows of parenting and real estate.

Destruction of Property

I already told this story on Facebook, but I feel like I need to have it written here for the sake of archival documentation so that someday when they’re debating which home to ‘stick Mom in’, I can point to this story and say, “Do you people not remember what I had to put up with? Spring for the place with the pool, you ungrateful imps.”

Important Backstory Facts: 

1. My eldest, Bennett, had his 12th birthday last Sunday (12!). We gave him a KindleFire.

2. Jonas (4 and 3/4) has been super into invisible things and people lately. It started out with his Evil Invisible Twin, who he eventually killed because, well, Dude was evil. Shortly after, an Invisible Twin Best Friend (who was not apparently evil) emerged. This guy liked to eat meals with us on the stool next to Jonas at the counter. Luckily he always ate invisible food, too. The last week or so it seems like there’s an invisible almost everything. Invisible Grandma Linda slept in the guest room the night after real Grandma Linda left to fly back to Texas. But I don’t think IGL was nearly as fun because she stayed in her room all day and then was gone.

Actual Story:

Jonas (walking down the stairs in angry, indignant tears) – GRAY BROKE MY INVISIBLE KINDLEFIRE! He grabbed it from me and threw it on the ground and jumped on it!

Me – Well… I can fix it for you…

Jonas – No you can’t! It can’t be fixed! He broke the screen and he did it on purpose! (Sobbing and so very immersed in this story and the injustice it was hard not to get on board. If Gray really did that on purpose, well then that’s pretty terrible, right? Brothers should seriously respect each others’ [invisible] property!)

Me – OK… well, I’m sorry. It’s not right for him to do that. Here’s some Invisible Money, go buy another one and send Gray down to talk to me.

Jonas goes stomping up the stairs.

Gray (stepping down hesitantly a few minutes later) – Mom?

Me – Gray. What is going on up there? Did you… I mean… were you being not very nice to Jonas?

Gray (wide-eyed with the ‘I’m totally lying right now’ look)– No… what are you talking about?

Me – Gray Edward Newlin. Did you take your brother’s Invisible KindleFire and throw it on the ground and stomp on it on purpose? Because that would be really mean…

Gray (chastised) – I grabbed it from him, but I didn’t throw it on the ground or break it. (Starts to giggle because even though he’s 8 and his mom is buying into this, he’s not.)

Me (trying desperately to contain hysterical laughter because I’ve realized how exactly how far down the crazy path I’ve come) – Be… nicer! to your brother. Go upstairs and apologize!

Gray – *SNORT* OK *HAHA* Mom.

So the point is, I live on the funny farm. And I’m apparently not immune to whatever gas they’re pumping into this place.

2 Responses to Destruction of Property

  1. “Here’s some Invisible Money, go buy another one”

    There are so many things I like about this, it’s hard to pick you that one I like the best, but I’m pretty sure it’s knowing that when you said it, you actually emphasized the “invisible” and “money” so that they ended up sounding like “Invisible Money.”

    You are The Mom.

    Dad

  2. I wish those boys would use their teleportation tool and come visit.

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