Today is Jonas’s 5th birthday and I’m kind of having a hard time with it.
I was really fine until the other day at Toys R Us when I was picking out gifts and I walked through the Thomas the Train section. We have a fairly massive collection of the old school wooden Thomas trains and tracks. We started gathering the sets when Ben was about a year old and we’ve been adding to it here and there ever since. I almost always buy the youngest kid a train or an extra set of tracks for a birthday or Christmas. This was the first time I realized I don’t really have a kid young enough to appreciate getting a new, obscure train car for his birthday. Sure, they still occasionally play with the set, but we’ve maybe only got a year left before the whole shebang should really be gifted to one of the nephews who will appreciate it more.
At this realization the other day, I promptly burst into tears. And then I had to walk through the baby gear section to get to the bathroom and find toilet paper to blow my nose and that just made everything worse. All the adorable strollers and carriers and high chairs that I will NEVER NEED AGAIN because I’m officially past my childbirthing years (by choice, People. I haven’t gone through menopause YET) now seem so adorable and tempting. Although not really tempting enough to make the look of zombie desperation in my sister’s eyes as she tries to keep her two year old from bashing her three week old’s brains in with his toy truck anything but something from my nightmares.
I guess the point is I’m ok with not having any more babies, but I’m struggling with my babies no longer being babies. And FIVE. I mean really. He might as well be turning 30. He told me last night (when he was still 4) that I could hug and kiss him then, but once he was 5 he wasn’t doing that any more. No more hugging and kissing, Mother. At least until that cute chick in Junior High decides she likes bad boys. Then I might try it again. You know that’s what he meant.
The scary part is I remember when Ben and Gray were 5 and by that time both of their personalities had matured to a fairly close representation of what they are now. Ben was a snarky, fact-loving small adult and Gray was a sweet, quiet friend-to-all who found joy in peeing anywhere but the toilet (I feel like this is a facet of his personality he’s not probably going to grow out of). This leads me to believe Jonas will always have a bit of a temper and a natural opposition to authority. He’ll probably always be on the energetic side. Jonas will, assuredly, always have a mischievous smile.
I’m just hoping he eventually grows out of the impassioned proclamations that, “YOU ARE NOT MY BEST FRIEND” when he doesn’t get his way. Also the obsession with death and violence. That’ll be gone in a few years, right?
Happy Birthday my Jo. Please stop threatening to burn down our house because I won’t let you go to the neighbor’s house with your older brother. I know you don’t mean it. Well… I’m pretty sure.