The highs and lows of parenting and real estate.

Best Friends Understand Your Rage

Last night, outside of Four Peaks Brewery at about 7:30 (I’m going to censor this for its grossly excessive potty-mouthness, and because apparently my 11 year old sometimes reads this blog):

*Ring*

RebeccaHey!

MeI’M ALREADY SO bleep-ING SORRY I CAME TO THIS STUPID HAPPY HOUR. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? WHY CAN’T YOU HAVE HAPPY HOUR ACTUALLY AT A bleep-ING NORMAL HAPPY HOUR TIME AND NOT AT LIKE MIDNIGHT WHEN SENSIBLE PEOPLE SHOULD BE HOME WATCHING TV IN STRETCHY PANTS?

RebeccaOK, it’s not midnight, so just take a deep breath…

MeAND WHERE THE bleep ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO PARK AT THIS IDIOT BAR? THE ENTIRE GODDAMN SQUARE MILE RADIUS IS FILLED WITH CARS AND PEOPLE! WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO GO TO SOME PLACE WITH THIS MANY bleep-ING PEOPLE?

RebeccaYou can park in the alley behi-

MeNO YOU CANNOT. I JUST DROVE THROUGH THERE AND ALMOST RAN MY CAR INTO ABOUT EIGHT OTHER CARS AND SEVERAL PEDESTRIANS BECAUSE IT WAS SO FULL. THIS PLACE MUST BE A bleep-ING MADHOUSE INSIDE! WE’LL NEVER GET FOOD. I’M NEVER GOING TO GET TO EAT AGAIN. I’M GOING TO WASTE AWAY AND DIE OF HUNGER.

RebeccaWell, we have a high-top table just inside the door, so I’ll order you a glass of wine right now so it’s waitin-

MeYOU’RE ALREADY THERE?! HOW ARE YOU ALREADY THERE? YOU TEXTED ME WHEN I WAS HALFWAY AND SAID YOU WERE JUST LEAVING YOUR HOUSE. WHY DO I LIVE SO MOTHER bleep-ING FAR AWAY? AND I DON’T WANT WINE, I WANT A MARGARITA, ON THE ROCKS, NO SALT. AND SOME HUMMUS!!!

RebeccaOK, see you in a bit. *Click* We need to order Mini* some hummus and a margarita. Find a waitress, quick.

Times like this are when it’s good to have a BFF who’s known me long enough she understands I’m not actually yelling at her. I’m yelling at the broken key to my GOV that means I have to set the alarm off every time I go to unlock the car, completely humiliating myself in front of my dance studio, in the parking lot at my son’s school and at the grocery store. I’m yelling at the short sale closing that derailed late yesterday because the title company, the tax records, the street sign and I couldn’t come to a consensus about whether the address should be Drive or Court. I’m yelling at the insanity of the market that caused me to run around like a kindergartner on meth in an attempt to secure a dream property for a buyer yesterday.

Also? She knew a little booze and food would get my OABS in check. Thanks, Bec. And good luck to Adam, for whom the Happy Hour was in honor, on his departure of the land of cactus and sun. I hope Denver treats you well.

*Childhood nickname I still answer to for certain friends and family.

5 Responses to Best Friends Understand Your Rage

  1. *** Alert*** you’re officially on the old list now, welcome to the bleep-ING club!!!

  2. Nice way to throw OABS in there. Thanks for writing such an entertaining blog. I am a licensed AZ real estate agent, but currently find myself in Afghanistan with the AZ Army National Guard. Your blog (especially your top ten list) is hilarious and informative. Reading it helps to take my mind off of the grueling and arduous days over here. Keep up the good work! :-)

  3. When I joined a friends and family of OABS sufferers support group in 1992, they recommended a 5 stage process for the immediate response and diffusion of an OABS event.

    1. Listen and don’t try to speak coherently until the OABS sufferer has finished their first complete thought. Speaking to early might turn the rage against you instead of the intended target.
    2. Track down a waitress to have drink(s) and food waiting for the OABS as soon as they get to the intended restaurant. This also works for home situations. If you don’t have wine on hand (or milk depending on the age of the sufferer) at all times you have already lost the battle.
    3. Give them five minutes to partake in the goods from #2. That typically will bring the rage to a level 3 and to a point at which you may determine the root cause of the issue.
    4. Enagage the OABS in discussing root cause.
    5. If all else fails, duck, cover and run. Turn off phone for a few days. Know that once you contact the OABS for follow up you will need to start over at 1 and proceed cautiously.

    I share this insight for those that may need assistance in future encounters. God Speed.

    • Rebecca-You definitely learned these 5 stages from your Mom!
      Your friendship is growing into one that will reach a point that you don’t even need to speak–your friends just know. Maybe we should really retire and and invest in our own vineyard! Thanks for the smile.

  4. Thank you for enduring and overcoming your frustration. It was worth it, right?

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