Another Conversation I Never Thought I’d Have As a Parent

Me: So I called the pediatrician again today because it’s been 10 days and Gray still hasn’t pooped.

Jason: Oh god, it hurts just to think about.

Me: I asked him a few days ago if he regularly goes a week without pooping and he said, ‘Yeah. But then I always poop the next one.’ He’s completely indifferent about the whole thing.

Jason: So what did the doctor say?

Me: You’re not going to like this. He said we have to give him an enema.

Jason: … What’s this ‘we’ stuff?

Me: Oh, good, we’re totally on the same page. You’re much better at gross medical stuff. And he’s a boy, so it seems much more like a father/son thing.

Jason: ME!? I meant you! It’s not like a sex talk, it’s an enema on a seven year old! That’s clearly ‘mother’ territory.

Me: But you always handle the gory stuff! Like when anyone has a splinter? Or that huge blister I had from running? You popped it and it squirted on you and you totally handled it. I would have vomited and then passed out and probably divorced you when I woke up. I couldn’t even look when you sliced the end of your finger off chopping vegetables. You are way more suited for this.

Jason: You can’t just use weakness as an excuse to get out of doing stuff you don’t want to do. You’re a feminist. You’re completely contradicting yourself.

Me: Just remember it’ll be worse for him than it is you. And try to be quicker on the duck and cover this time.