I was totally going to write out a pros and cons list regarding the current real estate market we’re experiencing in the Metro-Phoenix area today, but then I got dressed and decided I’d much rather discuss an obscure personal problem I’ve been having.
You see those holes I have in the bottom of my shirt? I have those holes in every single one of my shirts.
Does this happen to you? No, like with EVERY SHIRT? I don’t think it does. I think if it was happening to everyone there would be more people talking about it. It would be discussed on Good Morning America. It would be trending on Twitter. There would be a Facebook fan page devoted to the improving of fabric quality so we aren’t all walking around with our belly buttons exposed. I think it must just be me.
It’s not OK. I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore. I’m determined to figure out what’s going on with my wardrobe so I can save my cute tops.
I’ve been brainstorming and I’ve come up with the following possible explanations:
1. It’s from my seat belt rubbing against where my shirt meets my jeans. I drive a LOT, so I’m more prone to this problem than other people.
2. I have moths in my closet who really like the way my belly button smells.
3. It’s from carrying Jonas around and where his shoe grips the middle of my belly.
4. I have unusually sharp and pokey belly flab.
5. When I cook I lean against the granite counter in our kitchen and it rubs against the button on my jeans.
6. The people who own the sweat shops they sew clothes in told the kids working there they need to sneak into people’s houses at night and cut holes in their shirts so that people will buy more shirts. They’ve been focusing on my closet because they know I like to shop. They don’t realize, however, that I’m too cheap for this to keep me from still wearing the shirts.
7. Jason really likes it when I where sexy belly-exposing shirts around the house, so he’s working at making all of my shirts into those kinds with an exacto knife, one tiny hole at a time.
What do you think? What do I do about this besides sewing patches over all of my shirts right in the center at the bottom? And if I did that, do you think I could make it a new fashion craze?