See, there? I’ve had ‘Write a blog post’ on my to-do list all week. I did it, so I can check it off.
OK, fine. I’ll write some more.
I’m on a plane to Boston for my college roommate’s wedding. (Woo super expensive technology that doesn’t even stream Netflix!) The kids started school this week (which I thought was going to be all Yeah!! Naked dancing in the house! Eating ice cream for breakfast and cocktails for lunch! Total freedom and debauchery all the time! But instead it was all Work a lot. Work some more. Drop off kids. Figure out what to feed people.) so Jason stayed home with the small people and I’m traveling alone.
TRAVELING ALONE, guys. Like… all by myself. It’s weird, right?
What? People do it all the time and some of them totally enjoy it?
hmm… I am not one of those people. Like I’ve literally never stayed in a hotel room alone before. And I feel kind of super tense about it. What if I lose the key card? I mean that’s definitely going to happen, right? How will I sleep without the snoring background noise and the cat attempting to curl up in the center of my chest? The quiet is going to keep me up all damn night, I know it. Also, who, WHO, I ask you, is going to zip my dress up for the wedding? I’m going to have to wander the halls half dressed begging for someone to help me. Not to mention the really serious problem of who is going to listen to all of the thoughts in my head for the next two days. They’ll get trapped in there, die, become septic and then I’ll get Thought Cancer. That’s how you get Thought Cancer. It’s really sad. I donated to the foundation once.
I did make some friends while I was gulping cocktails at the airport taco bar this morning. There were the two guys on their way to some car expo thing in New Jersey. One had facial hair like Aaron from Fast N’ Loud and the outlines of new tattoos on his arms. He was nice. Now that I think of it, it totally could have been Aaron. I should have asked him. Then there was a financial consultant lady flying through Phoenix home to Massachusetts. She was not. pleased. with how the bartender made her Tequila Sunrise and ordered an additional shot of tequila to pour in. At 8:45AM. I liked her immediately. Sadly, as the alcohol began to take effect she confessed to me that although she’d flown through Phoenix dozens of times she refused to step outside of the airport because of the political climate here. “My husband is Puerto Rican,” she said. “The governor here is a total racist.” She had two cell phones with bedazzled cases.
I haven’t gotten to know the lady sitting in my row yet, because we’re both enjoying the fact that there’s no one sitting in the seat between us, so we don’t have to worry about bumping elbows or anyone falling asleep and drooling on anyone else. Between the empty seat and that fact that I was ushered into some magical security line where you don’t have to take off your shoes or remove your electronics and liquids from your carry-ons, I’m pretty sure I’ve used up all of my good traveling karma for this trip and my hotel will have bedbugs or it will turn out Boston has banned Diet Coke.
But hey, I did get my hair cut and I’m wearing a new dress that my mom bought on clearance at TJ Maxx and then spent like 11 hours hand sewing the beading that was falling off back on (totally canceling out anything she’d saved). And one of the flight attendants is wearing a ludicrous wig I’m fairly entertained by. So… maybe I’ll live through this without dying of loneliness. We’ll see.