The highs and lows of parenting and real estate.

10 Rad Ways to Spend In the Vicinity of $1238.46

If you randomly find $1238.46 laying around, you could totally spend it on:

1. An in-ground trampoline plus the $100 copay for one emergency room visit.

2. A two night stay-cation at the Arizona Biltmore Resort with a 6 hour spa package that includes a whole bunch of southwestern-themed relaxation and pampering.

3. A new couch to replace the one you bought 10 years ago that’s been puked, sweated and drooled on more than you can stomach thinking about.

4. Lego Taj Mahal.

5. Teapot and tea cup set from Anthropologie (or if you’re not a total weirdo, a bunch of other stuff* that’s actually cute instead).


6. A wine bottle dispenser, so that all wine can be as easily accessible as boxed wine.

7. A private trapeze party for all of your favorite people plus a keg and pizzas.

8. A 9 day cruise to Spain.

9. 29 of boxes of Bota Pinot Grigio + 86 bags of Chili Cheese Fritos + 106 tubs of Trader Joe’s mini peanut butter cups, so that when the apocalypse comes you’ll be set for at least a little while.

10. A new radiator and a bunch of hoses and shit for your stupid, goddamn, GIANT ORANGE VAN that was totally fine 5 minutes ago but is now stranded on the side of the road, steaming.**

Oh wait, that last one’s not rad or fun in any way. And it’s the only one I actually got to spend $1238.46 on this week. FML.

* Dear Anthro, Stop being so excessively pricey and weird. Your stuff is really cute, but check out this shirt I got at Marshall’s on clearance for $11 that looks shockingly similar to the one you have for $88. $77 in savings buys a lot of boxed wine, dude.

$88 Anthro shirt.

Awesomer $11 Marshall’s shirt.

**Never, EVER, buy a car mostly because you really like the color and it totally has swivel seats. It turns out this is not at all a legitimate reason to purchase a vehicle.

9 Responses to 10 Rad Ways to Spend In the Vicinity of $1238.46

  1. I feel you. We have had almost $3000 in car repairs in the last 6 months between our two POS vehicles. Effing sucks.

  2. I really like your shirt!

  3. 1. That’s a pretty cool shirt.

    2. It’s probably cheaper to fly me to AZ, buy parts, and let me fix it.

    3. Bummer about the van, but it cracks me up every time you take one of those pictures.

  4. With the money you saved on the shirt + the experience you had with you vehicle, you deserve to pick any one of those above things as restitution.

  5. I know it’s totally obnoxious to say I told you so about your sucky van, Sorry, had to say it. Nobody ever listens to me. And good job for inheriting my gene for “anyone can appear to have good taste if they can afford to shop at Nordstrom, but people who can shop at Target (Marshall’s, TJMaxx …) and still look good really do have good taste. Consider yourself endowed with good taste.

    • shut it, Mother. I also should have gotten a flu shot apparently. Want to rub that one in too?

  6. OMFG! You are too funny! Just found your blog via People I want to punch in the face!

  7. Oh man! What a bummer. I really wanted an orange car, btw. Mine comes in orange but the only used one I could find was silver. BORING.

    Love that shirt! All hail Marshalls!!

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