If you randomly find $1238.46 laying around, you could totally spend it on:
1. An in-ground trampoline plus the $100 copay for one emergency room visit.
2. A two night stay-cation at the Arizona Biltmore Resort with a 6 hour spa package that includes a whole bunch of southwestern-themed relaxation and pampering.
3. A new couch to replace the one you bought 10 years ago that’s been puked, sweated and drooled on more than you can stomach thinking about.
4. Lego Taj Mahal.
6. A wine bottle dispenser, so that all wine can be as easily accessible as boxed wine.
7. A private trapeze party for all of your favorite people plus a keg and pizzas.
8. A 9 day cruise to Spain.
9. 29 of boxes of Bota Pinot Grigio + 86 bags of Chili Cheese Fritos + 106 tubs of Trader Joe’s mini peanut butter cups, so that when the apocalypse comes you’ll be set for at least a little while.
A new radiator and a bunch of hoses and shit for your stupid, goddamn, GIANT ORANGE VAN that was totally fine 5 minutes ago but is now stranded on the side of the road, steaming.**
Oh wait, that last one’s not rad or fun in any way. And it’s the only one I actually got to spend $1238.46 on this week. FML.
* Dear Anthro, Stop being so excessively pricey and weird. Your stuff is really cute, but check out this shirt I got at Marshall’s on clearance for $11 that looks shockingly similar to the one you have for $88. $77 in savings buys a lot of boxed wine, dude.
**Never, EVER, buy a car mostly because you really like the color and it totally has swivel seats. It turns out this is not at all a legitimate reason to purchase a vehicle.